A Letter to My Dying Aunt

I learned my aunt had been admitted to the "Comfort Care" wing of the hospital to spend her final days on earth. I was too sick to visit her so I wrote the following letter and poem, hoping someone could read it to her and she would be able to receive it. 

Dear Auntie,

I wish I could be there with you or even talk with you on the phone, but I am sick with a cold and cough and my voice is rather raspy, so I’m not sure if you could hear me well.

I want you to know how much I love you and have always appreciated your warm welcome to me and to my family, with a great big smile and a big hug. You have always welcomed us with joy and grace.

Thank you for your love and prayers for our family. (Thank you, too, Uncle!!) We really appreciate them very much. Thank you for the many, wonderful family reunions you and Uncle and your family have hosted. They were always great times, with many special memories to cherish. Thank you also for the delicious meals you have shared with us and with me, too!

I have always been impressed with how your family loves, cares for, and enjoys spending time together! Thank you for your part in raising your kids, along with Uncle, to be such fine, wonderful, caring, and loving people who love the Lord. Your love and theirs have been shared with so many other people, with spouses and children, with students, with the kids at the Y, and with so many others that I don’t even know about. Thank you for sharing God’s love with others, in the many and meaningful ways that you have and still do.

I love you and I’m going to miss you very much. I know the Lord is calling you home, but I will still miss seeing you and spending our special moments together. Thank you for showing me your knitting and telling me more about it at A’s graduation. I am so glad you were able to be there and I’m glad I could come, too!

I don't have much more to say, except that I love you and I always will because love never ends! Isn't that great!!

Yes, I have tears streaming down my face now. I wish I could be there with you and your family.

God bless you, in this time, with His amazing Presence and peace and with those who love and care about you, whether in person or in spirit. May He give you comfort as He gets you ready to see the KING of kings. God bless you in your homegoing journey and I look forward to seeing you when I get there, too! If you are able, will you please say, “Hi!” to Grandma (L) for me and let her know that her amazing love for me has been with me for all of these years, too, and I look forward to seeing her when I get there? Thanks!

I love you, Auntie!! Very, very much!! I love you for always!!

Linda

Hello and love from T and our family, with thanks, and prayers, too!

A Short Poem for You, Auntie!

It won’t be long now, until you see the face of our dear Savior!

How wonderful that will be!

To sit as His feet and listen to His words of love for you!

To see His beautiful face for eternity!!

God bless you on your journey!

I wish that I could come,

Along with you, now and forever,

But my work is not yet done.

Go faithfully, dear sister,

My very dear Aunt E, too.

Until I see you on the other side…

I will think of and miss you.

Go in peace, my dear one.

Our Savior is calling your name.

It won’t be much longer until

Together, with Him, you will reign!!

Praise the Lord for His love and goodness,

For His amazing peace and grace.

Find joy in His many blessings,

Until you see Him face to face!

God Speed and Happy Homegoing, Auntie!

With love and joy, as we celebrate this blessed event in your beautiful life!

Thank you for being such a precious and wonderful YOU and for being a vessel to carry God’s amazing love to others!

I love you, Auntie E, for always and forever!

In Jesus’ name, I pray, praise, and thank God for you and for His amazing gift of love, seen in you and through Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit! May your homegoing be a time of peace and joy! Amen and Amen!!

Linda

Precious Linda, 2013

Santa and Mrs. Claus

“Ho! Ho! Ho!” and “Hee! Hee! Hee!”

Santa couldn't find his Viking’s jersey

The one for a boy named, Tommy LeRoy

Who thought it was better than a brand new toy.

He knew who to ask, when he was stumped;

His beautiful wife was such a trump!

Mrs. Claus was always jovial like he

And graced his presence with cookies and glee.

Yes, the two were certainly quite a pair

Living on cookies and delightful sweets to share.

They weren't too fond of venison, you know,

‘Cause Rudolph and the others would take that as a blow.

Mrs. Claus met Santa on his very first ride,

Trying out his new sleigh when it crashed into the side

Of a tree and a snow bank, causing Mrs. Claus to fall

Head over heels, looking like a snow ball.

Santa jumped quickly to save this young thing,

Thinking she was beautiful enough to sing:

“Oh, what a delight to my eyes you appear!

Will you marry me and become my Sweetheart, you dear?”

Mrs. Claus was shaken and quite a bit surprised.

Wiping snow from her face, she peered through her eyes.   

With surprise and delight and some mischief and fun,

She nodded to him and they became one.

A team of love to share with others, far and near,

On Christmas Day and every day, throughout the year.

If you travel up north, you will certainly find

Two of the most delightful people, of any kind.

Precious Linda, 2013

I originally wrote this at my Practice Writing Group, earlier this year. I published it on my "Writing for Fun" blog. Since it's Christmastime now, I thought it would be fun to share it here with you, too! Enjoy!

Who Determines How to Celebrate Christmas, Anyway?

I used to blatantly, agree with those who said or posted on fb, “Keep Christ in Christmas!” or “Christ is the Reason for the Season!” but recently, as I’ve been meeting new and different people in my various writing groups, I realize that Christmas means different things to different people and it’s very judgmental of me to think I know how someone else should think about Christ or celebrate Christmas!

It was easier and fun celebrating Christmas when the kids were little. We sang Christmas carols and other fun Christmas songs, decorated our tree, sometimes with a train under it, set out other favorite decorations, and counted the days until Christmas, using a wall-hanging with a felt Christmas tree and 24 pockets holding felt ornaments that each stuck to the tree. A nativity set was placed on the top of a three-shelf unit, with the animals eating from the manger and aluminum foil stars shining on the wall behind it. Until Christmas Eve, the shepherds watched their sheep on the piano, the wise men sought the star of the East from a distant, corner end table, and Mary and Joseph and their donkey made their way to the stable, from the vantage point of the top of a stereo system. (Baby Jesus was either hidden away, until the appropriate time, or, in later years, He was wrapped in plastic or cloth and attached to Mary with a rubber band… for the effect that she was actually pregnant.) They all managed to convene at the stable on Christmas Eve, except for the wise men who actually took longer to arrive.

On Christmas Eve, we read the Christmas story from a children’s Bible story book and acted out the Nativity story and went to a Christmas Eve service, sang songs, and opened gifts from each other. Sometimes, we watched The Best Christmas Pageant Ever or another Christmas movie. On Christmas morning, there were stockings filled with treats and a gift or two from Santa. We decorated pre-cut cookies and ate brunch together. Sometimes, we visited our families back home, spending Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas Day with the other. As I look back, it was fun and traditional for us, but in other ways, it was rather “formal,” stilted, and, oftentimes, predictable, almost as if it were pre-arranged and a production of sorts, planned mostly by me, with little room for spontaneity, new ways of doing things, and barely accepting the changing feelings and beliefs or desires of each child, as they grew towards and into adulthood. Now, with our kids grown and some married, and one with a child, we have the opportunity to find and create new ways to celebrate Christmas, as a family, whether we are together in one location or have some family members far away.

I remember one Christmas when I chose not to set up the tree because I didn't see how it had anything to do with Christ or Christianity. Instead, I set out a makeshift manger by using a cardboard, tote box with a doll. However, my three-year-old didn’t understand why we couldn’t have a tree like other people. I set up the tree the next year, with the tote box manger next to it, and continued to do so, for many years after that.

I’m learning that beliefs are very personal and we really cannot dictate or teach them to others. We can only share our beliefs and invite others to consider them. We can choose to accept the beliefs of others, as true for them, at that particular time in their lives and realize that some beliefs will change, over time, with knowledge, experience, deeper faith and understanding. We may spend time with and work together with others who share similar beliefs.  However, if we only hang out with those who think the same way we do, because we think we are “right,” then I think that would be cliquish or acting Pharisaical.

I’m not saying that it’s not important to consider who we hang out with or who we choose as our closest friends. I wonder why some people, and I have been one of them, become so afraid of changing how we think or act that we feel as if we will fall out of a boat and become lost in a sea of churning thoughts and ideas or be shunned by those who disagree with us. Perhaps, it’s true and we’re afraid of changing the way we have thought or believed as truth for such a long time. I realize now, it is very important to carefully consider the truth of what we interpreted to be true, as children, and be willing to clarify or even change the long-held values, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that we no longer believe are true for us today.

I remember, as a kid, reading or hearing Psalm 23 and being afraid of the Good Shepherd who had a rod and staff. I thought those items were used to hit and hurt those who were disobedient. That psalm certainly didn’t comfort me back then. I didn’t realize the rod and staff were used by a shepherd to protect the sheep from predators and to retrieve any sheep who feel off a ledge. I was also fearful and confused about a prayer I said before I went to sleep, as a child: “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” I became confused about which part of the prayer used “keep” and “take” and wondered what would happen to me, if I said the prayer wrong. I also didn’t relish dying in the middle of the night. It was not a calming prayer for me, as a child. Now I know that God doesn’t care if I mess up the words of a prayer. He just wants me to love and trust Him and become the unique and creative person He created me to be.

I’m reminded of another verse in the Bible that says, when we are children, we think like a child, but when we become men or women, our childish ways pass. Well, I’m here to say that I have gray hair… no, silver hair… and, although I’m no longer a child, I am still learning to become more and more of an adult, seeking and learning truths and finding that many of my beliefs were formed when I didn’t fully understand something, as a child, many years ago. I’m also noticing that those thoughts and related feelings, sometimes, pop up in my life, as reactions, and need to be addressed from an adult perspective. I’m willing to set aside my childish ways and thoughts and am making choices to grow and continue to mature in areas of showing compassion, mercy, grace, and forgiveness towards myself and others, as well as, serving others, things that weren’t expressed or taught clearly to me, while growing up.  

One example of being more considerate toward others includes how I act while driving. For me, this includes not only blessing those drivers who zoom past me or cut me off, after the initial shock and adjusting my driving to suddenly accommodate them, but realizing we are all driving somewhere… as a community of drivers, driving in lanes around each other. I can choose to be gracious and kind and allow safe, following distances and room for another car to change lanes instead of tailing someone ahead of me, driving in a reckless manner around other drivers, or basically, acting as if I own the road. It may seem like something small to you, but for me, it’s showing compassion for others who are on the road with me and a way of showing the spirit of Christ to others, without being preachy.

In my heart and spirit, I can celebrate Christmas by remembering, celebrating, and being thankful that God sent His son, Jesus Christ, into the world, not to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. (For many, many decades, I believed that Jesus came to condemn the world. This is another example of living with twisted Scripture or faulty beliefs. The thought of God condemning the world terrified and terrifies me!) I can also be mindful of others, their needs, worries, concerns, doubts, and joys during and throughout this Christmas season and accept their beliefs as uniquely their own.

No matter how, when, or if you celebrate Christmas or the “holidays” this year, I hope you experience peace, joy, and love in your heart and spirit, enjoying times of connection with others, in your home, at a bus stop, mall or restaurant, at a gathering, or while on the road to wherever you are going.

I ask God’s blessings for you this Christmas and holiday season and throughout this New Year!

Wishing Peace and Love to you, and to your loved ones, today and always!

Precious Linda

P.S. If you would like to know why I kept my Christmas tree up all year and have celebrated Christmas and God’s love and the love of my beloved, deceased grandmother, every day this past year, you can read about it and see pictures at: http://twowhitebutterflies.blogspot.com/2013/03/happy-easter.html. 

I also wrote about dealing with grief over my grandmother passing away on this day, December 20^th, over four decades ago, in this post: http://twowhitebutterflies.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-end.html.

Surprised by Sounds of Music!

I’ll never forget the joy and surprise I experienced on my first trip to Europe, while traveling with my daughter, during the summer between her undergrad and veterinary school studies. In addition to the many wonderful museums, sights, historical places, and amazing architecture we saw and the variety of interesting people we met, what surprised me the most was the unexpected music we heard, beginning on the RER ride from the Charles de Gaulle airport to downtown Paris. While riding on the light rail, a man walked into our car, set his hat on the floor, and began playing a wind instrument of some sort. It was painted in muted reds and greens and was, perhaps, a recorder. I was mesmerized by his hauntingly beautiful music. Then, as suddenly as he had appeared, he stopped playing, held out his hat to collect tips and moved on to another car. What a fun and unusual way to begin my experience in Paris.

Later on our trip, as we strolled through Vienna, looking for interesting sights, I was stopped in my tracks by the sound of beautiful music. It appeared to be coming from the entrance area to a great castle or mansion. We crossed the street and approached the large structure to find two, young men playing their violins. They played together as one, playing harmoniously off the sounds of each other, weaving and intertwining their individual sounds of music into one beautiful piece. They were truly practiced musicians who enjoy playing together, whether for their own enjoyment or for the audience of a king. I totally enjoyed standing there, hearing them play together, as their beautiful music reverberated within the walls of the concrete or brick structure around them, as if in an amphitheater. It was difficult to leave this beautiful concert of music, but I was happy to contribute to their open violin cases, waiting for tips from passersby.

On a different, rainy, cloudy day, my daughter and I walked along cobblestone streets and sidewalks of Salzburg on a quest to see some sort of castle or large mansion. After walking for quite a while, I was discouraged that our damp, nondescript map wasn't helping us navigate through brick walls, private property, and other obstacles and felt quite tired. We continued on, as best as we could. At one point, we heard the music of someone practicing their violin. We looked for the source and found it coming from an open window in a nearby alley. The music itself wasn't difficult or well-played but the joy of hearing sounds of music coming from that open window on a rainy day was such an amazing surprise and delight to me that it brightened my soul and put a spring in my step! With a lighter heart and more walking, we eventually made it to our destination. Interestingly, I was blessed with a lasting, beautiful memory that came more from our rather, dismal, “less than perfect” journey than in reaching our destination. That joyous memory of music will be with me forever! I am also grateful to the person who was practicing their violin on that rainy, Saturday morning, with their window open, of course!

The last, special memory that still brings me tears of joy, surprise, and delight, occurred when my daughter and I visited a musical instrument museum in Paris. It was fun to see the various forms of older and archaic instruments, but what stands out most to me is what happened as we began to leave one room to walk into another. A group of about five or six, young, Japanese women had begun gathering around a display of several sheets of music, placed under glass, around the edges of a round table. Suddenly, they burst into harmonious song, as they read and interpreted those notes to the ears of those who were privileged to hear their beautiful voices singing in a spontaneous concert. I stepped back into the room, watching and listening in awe and wonder, as these professional-sounding women, who appeared to have sung together, many times before, produced such beautiful, vocal music, in a foreign country to others who were foreigners, as well! It’s a memory I will always cherish!

I went to Europe expecting to see new sights, learn some history, enjoy some amazing architecture and breathtaking scenery, meet new people, and to share a unique experience with my daughter, all of which happened, but I was blown away with the myriad of sounds of music that touched my heart and soul during our trip abroad. It was an amazing experience to remember and behold!

Precious Linda, 2013

After a time of writing with some friends, I wrote this piece about a special memory of a trip to Europe, in 14 minutes. Interestingly, however, it took hours to slightly edit it to this final form. 

“Present Moment” - Don’t Keep Your Mouth Shut Tightly!!

I wrote this as a “present moment,” first writing with some writing friends today, in 5 minutes, as a warm-up to additional writing. They thought it was funny and since I usually don’t write humorous pieces, I’ll share this with you, slightly edited.

Deep breath! I made it. If it wasn't planned, I wouldn't have come. For some reason, I’m so tired. Maybe I’m finally learning how to relax my jaw and face… and my body needs time…lots of time… to just be at peace and relax.

I’m not at peace as much as I’d like. Sometimes, I feel tense at home with my husband working at home every day or when I add more to my list of things to do than I cross off.  I rarely have time to myself unless I’m up in the middle of the night, but that backfires for me now… pretty much like burning a candle at both ends.

I didn't know that I’m not supposed to keep my teeth together when my mouth is shut. I thought it kept my teeth growing to the right height, especially if I've had some dental work done. Apparently, it causes stress to my jaw and face muscles such that it hurts when a doctor, dentist or physical therapist pokes it. So, if nobody pokes my face, what’s the big deal?

I guess holding stress in my face isn't a healthy idea. Perhaps that’s why I prefer smiling or talking. It’s less stressful.

Precious Linda, 2013

Peeling Paint and Internalized Symptoms

How often have you seen peeling paint and realized that something isn’t right…either the paint has aged or there’s something going on with the surface on which the paint was applied…  perhaps, there was no primer paint used or perhaps there was some rotting wood or seepage of some sort going on. In any case, if repairs are to be made that will last more than a season, one needs to get down to the inner parts of that house or object that needs to be painted.

So also, it is with people. How often do we go around with a plastic or practiced smiley face which hides the truth of the feelings and fears and thoughts that we hold inside? Or, worse, how many people aren’t even aware of the thoughts and feelings that cause them to show forth internalized symptoms that come across, at times, as “peeling paint”… odd behaviors, eruptions of anger, un-understandable fears, terror, etc. triggered by something from their past that has been so deeply hidden that they are not even aware of it?

One type of person like this might be someone with PTSD and repressed memories who, when experiencing a present event or hearing of one, ends up with triggered memories that have been deeply internalized and shows up as symptoms of great fear and terror, extreme sadness or grief, or a myriad of other emotions that surface without reason.

So, as in handling peeling paint and working on the foundation, so also, these people need to become more and more aware of their internalized symptoms that begin to manifest as bodily feelings and emotions they hardly know how to define or identify, but once they do, these old, old feelings, like rotten wood, can be replaced with feelings in the here and now and, as wood or a foundation that is repaired, so also a person with internalized symptoms can begin to see healing of their soul and enjoy the myriad of feelings and emotions and the development of an integrated self – of body, mind, and soul, and enjoy the rainbows of emotional colors and thoughts, and live in and enjoy the present moment, living in relationships with others, without the anchor and hooks to the past that once kept them in a pit of despair and hopelessness.

Precious Linda – 2013

Written with the prompts of “peeling paint” and “internalized symptoms” for 12 minutes at my Practice Writing Group.

My House of Cards Fell Today

This was originally written in July and became rather long so I am only sharing the first part with you. I think you’ll understand the idea of what happened, as just being a part of life and growing up.

My house of cards came tumbling down,

I sat there and just looked around,

As things that once I thought I knew,

What once, I thought was really true,

I saw now as only a bunch of air.

I looked and wondered what had happened

To make my house of cards fall.

Was it faulty nails or glue or tape?

Or, maybe storms or an earthquake?

I sat there, not really knowing why.

And, then, I heard a voice from a quiet guy,

“You know, a house built on rock will stand forever;

While a house built on sand will always quiver.

Foundations are important, you know.

At least, you’re learning this. So,  

What will you do next, my friend?

It’s really your choice and not the end.”

Staring into space, I turned and asked, “Why?

Why didn’t I know this before?”

“Because you weren’t born as a full-fledged adult,

But only as a teachable kid.

What you learned from your folks

Is hard to decipher,

When all you want is

To be like him or like her.

...

Precious Linda, c. 2013

Some Things are Too Funny Not to Share

This past week, I began cleaning out e-mails that have accumulated in my inbox and folders for many years... thousands and thousands of them. Yesterday, I finally cleaned out my inbox and most of the e-mails in my many folders.

I was surprised, when I set up an e-mail account on my new tablet and saw eleven e-mails in my inbox. As the tablet synced with my computer, the e-mails disappeared and a white, empty inbox appeared... until I received the message seen in the photo. It was such an unexpected and pleasant surprise! I've been laughing ever since and wanted to share this joyful surprise with you!

Precious Linda - 2013

Space and Margins - Providing Room for Grace to Grow

How often do we leave extra time for reaching our destination or for completing a task?

How often do I wait until the last minute, in order to provide a “built-in” deadline?

How often do I procrastinate because I think, “Whatever I am planning to do won’t be good enough?”

Am I missing out on something? Am I allowing room for grace to grow in my life and look for opportunities to share grace with others?

Without leaving space and margins of time and energy, when planning my day and executing it, I believe, I lose the ability to exhibit responsible “self-control” over what happens to me and my thoughts, both internally and externally. I give up my ability to thoughtfully choose what I think or what I will do and, instead, become reactive to what happens to me, as if I am a victim of my circumstances or “lack of time.” I also give up responsibility for my emotional well-being. I no longer leave room to deal with, or even to accept, my emotions and what’s happening to me and do not see or accept interruptions as opportunities for personal growth and expressions of faith and grace but, rather, as if someone threw a monkey wrench in the works.

Without space or margins, I am only living “on the fly,” like a hamster on a wheel, mindlessly trying to catch something that is impossible to catch, or trying to do something that is impossible to do, such as taking on too many tasks or trying to achieve too many goals, for which there is not enough time to complete. I have “put off  until tomorrow” something that I had hoped to do today, only to find out that “tomorrow” already has enough to do. It’s as if I am trying to “borrow time” and end up with a “credit card debt” of time that can never be paid back.

Why do I do this? Could it be that being “busy” with anything is a way to distract me from conflicting thoughts or feelings, from the present or the past, that I prefer to keep pacified, at bay, caged up, or buried? I am slowly realizing that until I allow myself to feel the feelings that I am avoiding, they will not go away, but will remain “harbored” in my body, as an emotional cancer, eating away at my mind, my heart, and my soul, causing havoc within my spirit.

Now, as I contemplate and experience my day, I am learning to pay attention to the feelings that surface and to determine whether they relate to the present moment or to something from the past. When I choose to identify the feelings and allow them to flow, like water over a dam, they actually dissipate and pass on by, leaving me relaxed, calm, peaceful, and able to understand the thoughts behind them and make choices without fear or angst. My spirit is free to soar again in a state of peace and love, and I am able to show grace and compassion to myself and to others.

Precious Linda, c. 2013

My Vending Machine God

I have, oftentimes, looked to God as a “vending machine god.” You know, the one I can go to anytime, pull a lever and out comes a blessing. Maybe it’s a blessing in “disguise,” but nevertheless, it’s God’s answer.

How often have I treated God this way, looking toward Him with a greedy, little heart, asking whatever I want and hoping He will give me His blessings or “rubber stamp” my agenda with His “O.K.?”

It grieves me to know that I truly have done this, many times, throughout my life. Sitting in a pew doesn’t make me a Christian. Praying and asking my “Vending Machine God” to bless someone doesn’t either. No, there must be something more.

This morning, as I was going through my “Good morning, Linda” conversation (http://twowhitebutterflies.blogspot.com/2013/03/good-morning-linda.html), instead of just reading, “Be still and know… trust… that I am God, Linda” and checking it off, as if in agreement, I wrote: “I am still (quiet) before You… listening, waiting, seeking You!” and sensed God saying, “Thank you!” However, I had intended to write… and somewhat pridefully, I hate to admit, “I am still (quiet), before you… seeking Your will, Your word, Your Spirit”… but, as I thought about what I was about to write, I noticed that my words had the idea or sense of “What can You give me, God?” rather than anticipating what He wanted to share with me, in that moment.

I was flabbergasted! I was appalled! Here, I thought I was “doing my duty,” coming before God, early in the morning, acknowledging Him – just like I was supposed to… and found out my heart wasn’t in the right place. Instead of coming to God with reverence and awe and humility, I came boldly, as a rash, prideful child or teenager, expecting something from Him rather than anticipating the joy of an intimate relationship with Him. I came to Him like someone holding her hand out to her father with the thought of, “What are you going to give me today?”

Oh, I’m so ashamed! I have treated my beloved Heavenly Father like a vending machine, expecting blessings and words of wisdom and nuggets of truth and power to do whatever I thought was best.

Tears are filling my eyes, as I realize how much God loves me, knowing how I’ve treated Him. He loves me, and you, so much that He sent His only begotten Son to live in human form in this world… to be born as a baby… to teach us what this loving, Father-Son relationship really looks like… with interactive trust, hope, faith, love, and the power of the Holy Spirit… with the plan that Jesus would be the perfect, sacrificial Lamb of God for the Jews, first, for the forgiveness of their sins, and then for the Gentiles, for all of mankind (or, humankind, if you prefer).  And, not only that, but for all who believe in Jesus, as the Son of God and as their Savior and Lord, we are given a new name, adopted as sons and daughters of the Father, provided with the gift of the Holy Spirit to empower and enable us to be renewed, transformed, and restored in our minds and hearts and healed of wounds and bitterness, and given the hope of resurrection and eternal life with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit… with God Almighty, beginning now and forever.

I have taken this all for granted and, worse, I have taken God for granted, too, expecting that He will do what’s best for me since He is a loving God, but without accepting the responsibilities of being a growing and maturing follower of Jesus Christ and responsible member of His family. I’m embarrassed to say, I have been an immature, irresponsible child… yes, even as a child of God… who has thought more about what I want and what I think than of what my Heavenly Father desires for me and for you and for all of humankind.

Lord? I’m ready to listen… I’m here with You!

XOXO Linda

Precious Linda, c. 2013

Unexpected Gifts of Love

It’s amazing to me, how the gift of love can touch my heart, in unexpected ways.

Today, as I read the following post from a friend on Facebook, tears filled my eyes and ran down my face:

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
Psalm 139:7-10 (NIV)

The reminder that God loves me, wherever I am, even when I’m feeling “in the dumps,” even when I feel afraid, even when I live with fear, not from the present, but buried deeply in the recesses of my mind and soul, even then, even there, God is with me!

The amazing love of God that knows no end and the gift of a friend who posted these verses for me to see, and the knowledge that God orchestrated this gift for me to receive this morning, overwhelms me with gratitude for God and gratitude for the gifts of love that are shared by others who know His love and are able to express it to others, from places deep within.

I am grateful for the gift of love, no matter what form it takes or how it’s delivered. Love is an eternal gift that touches my heart and spirit… forever.

Thank You, Heavenly Father, for this wonderful reminder of Your amazing love and Your desire for me to be in loving relationship with You, all the days of my life, until You bring me home. Thank You also for friends who share gifts of love with me and with others! AMEN!!

Happy Easter!!

A few thoughts I'd like to share today...

Believe it or not, I took my Christmas tree down in January and put it back up a day or so later. The lights lit... at night or during the day... remind me of LOVE! I put my favorite ornaments on it that remind me of love, too. 

What an appropriate and fun way to celebrate EASTER today, with the reminder of God's amazing love for us, through the One who said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." (John 8:12, NIV) 

What stood out to me, in this close-up picture of my tree, was the star and the angels... and how at Christmas, we refer to the amazing star that led the wise men to find Jesus and how the angels appeared to Mary and Joseph and the shepherds and, now, at Easter, we remember the angel at the empty tomb. 

This morning, it was fun for me to see this star and these angel ornaments on my tree and to remember... the coming of Christ was foretold by the prophets; angels spoke of His coming to Mary and Joseph and John and Elizabeth; an angel or angels spoke to the disciples who were dismayed that Jesus had been crucified and were so surprised to find the EMPTY TOMB; and how, when an angel asked why they were looking for the living among the dead, he went on to say, "He is not here, but He has risen!!" (You can read more of these amazing events in Luke 24.) 


This morning, I posted on Facebook:

"This is the day the LORD has made! We will rejoice and be glad in it! Christ is risen indeed! Hallelujah!! Hallelujah!!" 

I chose not to include the Bible reference for the first two sentences, but looked them up to be sure they were accurate. Surprisingly, someone else posted: "The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone; the Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes. The Lord has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad." (Psalm 118:22-24 NIV) and I recognized his use of Psalm 118, so I looked at the chapter and found: 

"Open to me the gates of righteousness; I will go through them, And I will praise the Lord. This is the gate of the Lord, Through which the righteous shall enter. I will praise You, For You have answered me, And have become my salvation. The stone which the builders rejected Has become the chief cornerstone. This was the Lord’s doing; It is marvelous in our eyes. This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:19-24, NKJV.

I truly rejoice in this day!! Hallelujah! Praise the LORD!! He is risen indeed!


One other picture I found interesting and would like to share with you is:

 (You can find it at: https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/11632_162935702086_6637905_n.jpg)

I am so grateful for God's forgiveness for me and for all who believe in His Son!

May you be blessed, as you consider the amazing love of our Creator and how He sent His Son, as a babe, to grow into manhood and teach us about God's amazing love and grace for all of us, through His words, spirit, and actions, while living among us on earth, and then through His sacrificial death as the "perfect Lamb of God" to "pay our debts" so that we may be truly forgiven for choosing to "go our own way" rather than the way that our loving and most merciful God created for us... to live in love... loving God, loving ourselves, and  loving others, using the amazing gifts and talents God has given us, for His glorious, amazing, and loving purposes for us all.

Happy Easter and God bless you! This is the day the Lord has made! Let us rejoice and be glad in it!!

Linda

Two White Butterflies - A Watercolor Painting

Watercolors by Joan E. Konyn
Mazomanie, WI 53560
c. 2007-2013
Used with permission.

"Two White Butterflies" is a watercolor painting by my friend, Joan Konyn, who understood the joy I experienced when I was deeply grieving my father-in-law's passing. While walking around the lake at a local park, I asked God, "Where is Dad?" and I suddenly came upon two, brilliant, white butterflies that reminded me that my deceased father-in-law was in the presence of Christ and that's all I needed to know. 

The painting reminds me that "love never ends" and these two, white butterflies could also represent God and me, my husband and me, a friend and me, or two friends who care about each other. 

I have referred to this painting as, "Two White Butterflies" but recently noticed that Joan had written on the back of the painting, "Peaceful Butterflies." Either way, I hope you will experience the amazing love of God and His peace in your heart, mind, soul, and spirit, today and always! 

With love, Linda

Watercolor Painting - Two White Butterflies or Two Peaceful Butterflies by c. Joan E. Konyn, 2007-2013, used with permission.

Text of Two White Butterflies - A Watercolor Painting - L.K.E., 2013

Choices – Moment-by-Moment

This morning, I realized I cannot experience the love of God and fear or anxiety, at the same time. I cannot protect myself, emotionally, and fully praise God, at the same time, either. I can choose to have open hands towards God and trust Him, being ready to receive whatever He has to teach me or give to me, or, I can choose to have clenched fists, trying to protect myself and not being open to receiving anything from anyone. I can choose to face God openly, trusting His love, goodness, grace and mercy for me, or, I can hide my face in fear of Him and of others. I cannot do both, at the same time.

I believe, this is a moment-by-moment decision, whether I will trust Him or not.

Today, I hope and pray that I will choose to trust Him, no matter what situations I face, and believe He is with me always, with His love, mercy, and grace, giving me the strength I need to face any situation, together with Him, with His peace, wisdom, love, and grace.

Precious Linda, c. 2013

I never heard this song before, until this morning, but it has a great message for me today! “Jesus is All I Need” sung by Gene Watson - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXJBCpV4PCo

Good morning, Linda!

The following is something I wrote, as I envisioned God and me having a conversation, last fall. I try to read through this each day, in a prayerful state, listening to what God might want to say to me… or impress upon me… on that particular day. Believe it or not, there’s always something new that I believe He wants me to be aware of that day.

Be blessed, as you read and, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask me, in person, in an e-mail, or in the comment section. Thanks!

Linda

Good morning, Linda!

Be still and know… trust… that I am God, Linda.

I am Love, Goodness, Grace, and Mercy.

Thank You, Lord!

I worship and adore You.

Seek first, My kingdom and My righteousness, and I will provide all that you need today.

Thank You, Papa!

Your will be done… by me… today, LORD!! This… I pray.

Thank you, Linda!

Are you living, by faith, in My Son, Jesus Christ, Linda? Are you walking by faith, believing that you have been crucified with Christ on the cross with Him and the life you now live is by faith and not by sight, Linda?  Are you living by faith and not by sight, Honey?

Pause, and think about this, Linda… in your heart, mind, soul, body, and spirit. Please.

Yes, Lord. Yes, I will.

Have you put on… MY armor, this morning? Are you still wearing it and using it appropriately?

Pause, and think about this, dear Linda! I have provided you with all that you need for today.

Yes! Thank You, Papa! Thank You very much!

Walk by faith… with faith in Me… today, Linda. Walk closely with Me, Jesus Christ, and listen to My Holy Spirit… the TRUTH-TELLER… speaking truth to you.

Yes, Lord! Yes!

Listen for My “still, small voice”… continuously today, Linda.  Continuously.

Yes, Lord! Yes!

Be ready… to respond to whatever comes your way… with My love, My wisdom, My grace, and My mercy.

Yes, Lord! Yes!

Thank you, Linda! Thank you!

I will fill you continuously to overflowing with My Holy Spirit and with My Love, Peace, and Joy for this day… for whatever comes your way.

Thank You, Lord God Almighty! Thank You very much!

Yes, Linda! Yes!

Linda?

Yes, Papa – Father, Lord, Jesus Christ, and Holy Spirit?

Remember that I will give you strength for today. I will show you the way through whatever you need to go through… and I will give you the words to say… words of wisdom, love, grace, and mercy… to share with others and to share with yourself, as well, Linda-Honey.

Thank You, dear Father-Papa! Thank You!

Yes, Honey! Yes! I will also forgive you, as you continue to forgive those who have sinned against you.

Yes, Lord! Yes! Thank You, dear Papa! Thank You for Your wonderful and great gift of forgiveness of my sins and for the sins of others!

You are very welcome, My Dearest and Beloved Daughter!

Now and throughout today… whatever you do, whatever you say, whatever you think or believe, do it as being “one with Me… Jesus Christ” AND “one with the body of Christ”… in community with other believers, Linda… for My purposes and for My glory. Okay, Honey?

Yes, LORD! Yes!

In the name of Jesus, I pray and ask these things… today. Amen and AMEN!! Hallelujah! AMEN!

Thank you, Linda. I am with you… now… and, throughout this day…and forevermore! AMEN!

Thank You, Lord God Almighty! I praise and thank You for who You are and for all You do and are doing for me and for others, for our good and for Your great glory! I will continue to pray, praise, and thank You, throughout this day! Amen and Amen and Amen! Hallelujah! AMEN!

Thank you, Linda. I will never leave you nor forsake you. Nothing can snatch you from My hand.

Thank You, Papa!

Now, go in Peace…My peace.

Thank You, Papa!

The Peace of the Lord shall be with you, always, Linda! Forever… and ever!!

AMEN!

2012-10-31, 1252

Precious Linda, in silent prayer with God, c. 2012

Note: You may copy this conversational prayer and insert your name or edit it for your personal use. Precious Linda

Am I a Counterfeit Christian? A silent conversation with God.

I have found that my best way to “talk with God” is to write what I am thinking and then write back what I believe God is saying or would say to me. It slows me down, so I listen for His still, small voice.

Hi Papa!

Hi Honey!

What’s up, Sweetheart?

I’m really bothered about the word You brought up to me.

What is that, Linda?

Counterfeit, Papa! Counterfeit.

So, what bothers you about that word, Honey?

It makes me sound like a crook or like a hypocrite.

Well, are you?

Well, I didn’t think so, Papa! I’ve gone to church, believed in You, read Your word, and tried to live a good and kind and loving life.

Okay. I know you have, Honey, but that’s not what it’s all about.

Oh, I know. I believe in Jesus, too, and that He died for my sins.

Yes, and so does Satan, Linda.

But, Lord, I really have tried to do what You want and to listen to You!

You’re a great listener, Linda, when you sit down and talk with Me and when you’re out walking and enjoying My beautiful nature and My Presence, but really, Honey, you basically do what you want to do and not what I ask of you.

But I go to church, Papa, and I treat others kindly and compassionately.

It’s still counterfeit to what I desire of you.

But what do You want of me, Papa?

I want your heart, Honey!

But then I won’t be alive, Papa! I try to listen and be and do what You want.

I know that, Sweetheart, but it’s all about your take in life and what you think I want. It’s without My heart and My life and My Spirit, Linda – My loving Spirit in you, Honey.

But, God, I will die, if I give You my heart!

Linda? Haven’t you seen a seed… a dead-looking thing planted in fertile soil… grow into something more beautiful and plentiful and abundant and fruitful than that tiny, little seed?

Yes, Papa! I know that!

Good. Well, then, do you trust Me?

Yes.

Do you wish to be more than a “counterfeit” Christian?

Yes.

Are you willing to plant that precious seed that I have given you… a heart… that is… well… let’s just say… a heart without My love beating in it and My Spirit flowing… pumping through it… is… dead, Honey?

Okay, Lord! You can have my heart and I will trust You for the rest.

Good, Honey! Good.

Is this what, “I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live… but the life I live is by faith” means, Lord?

Yes.

Oh!! But I can’t see what’s ahead, Papa-Father.

You were never meant to, Linda! I have amazing and abundant things in store for you and others who call upon My name… the name of Jesus… and walk with Me… not according to their (or your) own agendas, Sweetheart, but who walk according to My Spirit!

I don’t know how, Papa! I don’t know how!

Just ask, Linda! Ask and you will be given good and great gifts, including, My Spirit of love and life and truth.

Lord? You showed me something else today.

Yes?

That I’m not just to be a conduit of Your love, but more like a living, breathing self… that moves… like soaking up Your Spirit of Living Water and then… oh, ick, Papa… I don’t really like this part… being squeezed out! Ouch! To share that love with others and then to soak up Your love and let it be squeezed out of me and then… just like breathing or having a heart that pumps blood… to take in Your Spirit and let it out by sharing it with others.

Yes, Linda-Honey! This is true life… in the Spirit and in the flesh. Abundant life… living and breathing and exhaling… being filled with My Holy Spirit and expressing that love and joy… and all the fruit of My Spirit to others… love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness, Linda!

Yes, Lord, and, goodness and gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control, too!

Yes, Honey! Remember, Sweetheart, don’t quench or grieve My Spirit.

Yes.

And, Linda?

Yes, Lord?

Please don’t let your “sponge” sit around and dry up.

There’s no way the fruit of My Spirit can possibly grow and produce the fruit I intended for you to share with others, if you just hide it away on a shelf or refuse to accept My free gift of Living Water.

Okay, Lord! Thanks! I’ll do my best to soak up Your Living Water and truth and love and squeeze it out to water other people’s heart and gardens, too!

I love You, Papa!

And, I love you, Linda!

XOXO Your Linda 

Precious Linda, in silent prayer with God, c. 2012

Gracie and Grace (Previously entitled: Grace)

Gracie Marie smiled gleefully from her high chair. Wisps of blond hair brushed her cheeks, as she giggled with glee. She was enthralled with picking up each tiny Cheerio and would celebrate the achievement of making that Cheerio stick to her wet fingers and get in her mouth. Her joyous laugh made me smile, too, and I was so grateful that God had blessed us with such a joyful child, 2 ½ years ago.

I leaned over and kissed the top of her head, smiling, and continued cleaning up the kitchen, strewn with breakfast dishes from our older three kids who had already left for school. After clearing the table and filling the sink with soapy water, I turned back to wipe down the table. It was then that I noticed that Gracie had tipped over the bowl of applesauce and was finger-painting with it on her tray and in her hair.

“Oh, Gracie! Applesauce is to eat, not play with!”

I quickly removed the bowl, spoon, and cup from the tray and scooped up the remaining applesauce, as best as I could, with a generous swipe of my washrag. Then, I tried to wipe Gracie’s face clean and smear some of the applesauce from her hair, too.

“Oh, Gracie! Gracie! What will I do with you?” I said in a sing-song way, smiling, remembering the outbursts of anger I heard at home, when things didn’t go as expected.

I was grateful that, today, I could show Gracie the grace that I was learning to experience from my Heavenly Father, too!

Precious Linda, c. 2012

Beauty - Hidden Treasures (Previously: Beauty)

There are just some times, when life seems so same-old, same-old… as if I’m in such a rut or routine, that each day rolls by without anything seemingly significant happening. “What’s the use?” “Why bother?” I wonder. “What’s the meaning or purpose of life, anyway?!”

Then, I realize that other parts of life can seem so insignificant or homely, even ugly and non-descript… but that something… just something… even special… even what one might call, “Beautiful,” is hidden beyond the surface.

I think of cocoons and caterpillars hidden away from sight, in what might seem like an ugly or unimpressive home… only to become the home or birthplace… as if from a womb, ready to bear something quite remarkable and impressive… of a beautiful, colorful, lace-like design of a butterfly… something miraculously different than a caterpillar that can only crawl on the ground… and yet, it too, has a beauty in and of itself with colorful markings and hair and a furry body.

So also, a seed… a rather bland object… usually with a hard surface and no “picture book design” on the outside to tell you what it is or what it can grow into… and yet, unbelievably, when planted and hidden away, for a period of time, unique to each seed, it grows into something beautiful and totally different from the casing in which it was entombed.

Sometimes, I wonder, how and in what ways, we people, who may feel imprisoned in our thoughts or ways or pasts or busy lives… will experience a release from what we know and experience now… to become the beautifully transformed person that God has envisioned and designed for us… once we move from something dead-like, as a seed… to something fully alive in His Spirit! Who knows? Maybe before I physically die, I, too, will see the beauty of His love radiating out in multiple colors and ways, from myself and the people who walk in His power and light and love.

I look forward to seeing, more and more, the beauty God has envisioned for me and others and for all of His creation.

Precious Linda, c. 2012

the self-critic and the judge

snippets of thoughts, playful words

a hodgepodge of intentions

never meeting hands, feet, and brain

at the same time

a clutter of ideas and hopes

churning and simmering

boil over and become

a burnt offering of tasty intentions

swirls of thoughts

like colors on a palette

that never reach canvas                                              

plans, hopes, ideas

great ideas

waiting for a brush stroke,

yearning to burst forth

into radiant strokes of beauty,

deep shades of passion,

contrasting with darker strokes

of fear, loss, and pain

I can’t. I won’t.

I feel overwhelmed,   

trembling with excitement and hope,

mixed with fear.

What if

I make a mistake,

share an inappropriate thought,

get laughed at,

ridiculed, or criticized?

I must write and paint

words and colors deep within,

waiting to burst forth

from within my soul

onto the canvas before me.

Now, I must decide

whether to share this canvas

with you,

with others,

or keep it for my eyes only.

I must choose

to be or not to be

myself

on the canvas of life

with you

or

nothing at all

to you.

Precious Linda, c. 2012

The Bonsai Tree - A Living Creation (Previously: The Bonsai Tree)

How can it be… a little tree… the bonsai tree?

How can it grow so small and beautiful and delicate?

I wonder how people can possibly decide which branch to snip and which one to tie up or support with wire. There must be a plan and some artistic choices that emanate from the one who beholds it, and sees the beauty that is yet to come.

Perhaps it’s like life and we are like a tree planted. We’re to grow and bloom wherever we are planted, but how does that happen?

Are we pruned? I don’t want to be cut or feel the pain of losing a part of me! I’d rather just grow and grow… I guess I’d grow into a gnarly mess. I don’t really want that. I’d rather look like a beautiful 100-or-more-year-old bonsai tree… loved and cared for and respected… something precious.

I guess I need to trust that the Creator planted me where I am… as a bonsai tree and gave me the ability to grow and sprout limbs and leaves. The Creator provides water and sunshine and even opportunities for pruning. Sometimes, the pruning hurts… man, does it ever hurt! I watch that beautiful limb fall away. Sometimes, though, the Creator lets me decide where to prune or where to place some wire support.

Somehow or other, my Creator and I, together, are watching over this little bonsai tree… of me.

I wonder what we are creating. In time, we’ll see!

Precious Linda, c. 2012

Scary and Sacred Places

My pastor wrote a play, a few years ago, about the 23rd Psalm and it was performed as a reader's theater on a Sunday morning. At one point, the sheep were told to go back to the "scary and sacred places" where some terrifying things had occurred. I wasn't sure why the pastor had called them "scary and sacred" and began to write an e-mail asking him about it.

As I wrote, God showed me that the only difference between the words "scared" and "sacred" is the placement of the letter "C". AHHHH!!! So it is with our lives. Our circumstances can be looked upon as "scary" or "sacred" depending on where we place Christ in our lives and in that circumstance!!!

What an eye-opener that was for me back then!!! And, how true it still is today - the importance of keeping our eyes focused on Christ and seeing every aspect of our lives from His perspective.

Precious Linda, c. 2005

The End

The end… it will never happen again. The end… it brings me such sadness… a death, the end of a life. The end… of a relationship, of a trip to a new land, of a job, of mothering young children, of a dream.

The sadness that comes over me, when saying goodbye and not knowing if I’ll see the person again can be overwhelming.

The end. What’s this? It’s not… the end?

Someone told me that with every ending, there is a new beginning. Could they possibly know something I do not yet know? When Grandma died, she left this world five days before Christmas. It was, for me, as a 12-year-old, a terrible ending… one that took me over forty years to grieve, feeling overwhelmed with sadness, every time I thought of her. Yet, with full, deeper grieving, came acceptance and the ability to celebrate her life and memories of her and a realization that her spirit of love is with me always… a new beginning of life in the spirit, apart from the body, for her… and a new beginning for me to celebrate her life, rather than to constantly be overwhelmed with sadness and grief.

I’ve slowly begun to realize that when I experience the end of something, I need to pause and to wait… to let the end be… and allow the sadness to flow and the acceptance to grow and when the tears, as if raindrops, fall gently on the soil of my soul… something new pops up… unexpected. I have found that, if I continue to hold on to the old and dead thing, I will never have hands ready to grasp the new.

Last year, after attending two churches every Sunday for over eight years and church for practically all of my life, I sensed God wanting me to stop attending both churches completely and just spend the time with Him alone and in His word, walking and talking with Him on walks outdoors. It was weird for me… and different… a type of ending and I didn’t know how long it would last. It went on for months… almost a year… and then, I began thinking how nice it would be to go somewhere for Christmas. A postcard arrived in the mail inviting me to a new church that was to meet at a nearby school. I went and it has truly been a new beginning for me… with new, innovative ways of reaching people right where they are, hearing God’s word in ways that touch the heart and soul, vivid experiences of realities of life, shared through video clips, drama, and word pictures, and meeting people who are real and genuinely caring and not just stuffy or overly intellectual.

It is truly a new beginning that could only happen by reaching the end… and waiting patiently for something new to begin.

Precious Linda, c. 2012

My First Step

There is a path I’m drawn to

   It beckons me, and yet,

I seem to shyly turn away

   When I begin to fret.

The path has tears and joys, I know,

   A place to go and roam

To bring to life my fears and dreams

   And places I call home.

I need to turn and face the path

   And listen to the song

That draws me closer to my dream

   The place where I belong.

So, today, I will begin anew,

   The thing I need to do

To bring me to the place I’ll be

   One with you and one with me.

 May this be the beginning

   Of a relationship with you

That brings us joy and meaning

  And purpose in all we do.                

Together, as we walk along

  May love be in our hearts,    

As we begin to sing a song

   And take a fresh, new start.

This path begins with just one step.

   I’m ready now, and so

I’ll take that step, with a breath of faith.

   I’m ready now, let’s go!

Precious Linda, c. 2013