Saturday, October 25, 2014

I Wish I Could Die!

I wish I could die and not feel all this pain.
I wish I could fly over rocky road shame.
I wish I could never be trampled on again.
I wish I could end it! When will my life end?

I’m helpless, it’s true! It makes me feel blue.
Yellow-bellied, lily-livered, through and through.
My life is a waste. Don’t tell me, “Somehow,
It’s worth it to live and I’ll take a bow.”

My parents don’t love me; they don’t seem to care.
I feel like an orphan or soiled underwear. 
My friends are too busy, or don’t really know why
I avoid them, and tremble; and then, I just sigh.

Others in this world have it better than me.
Some others have it worse - a lot worse, I see.
Perhaps I’m in the middle of the “Yuck-o-Meter” now.
I wonder if I can find my way out of this, somehow.

I've heard it said in the really Good Book:
Sometimes you need to stop, and just take a look
At what’s really around you, and not too far
From the place you are standing, just where you are.

It needs to be okay to be where you are.
You've come a long way, so follow your Star.

I can’t find it! I can’t see! It’s way too dark for me!
Then turn on a light, or follow One closely.
It really doesn't matter; just get on the move
To become unstuck and to find your groove!

My breathing has settled; I’m much calmer, you know.
There was so much pent-up energy, I had to let go!
I thank you, profusely, for letting me vent;
I hope I didn't ding you up, or give you a dent.

Sometimes my emotions and feelings go wild.
It truly wasn't easy for me, as a child.
Sometimes, I get triggered and really confused,
Mixing past hurts and present ones, with similar cues.

For now, I will breathe, and relax for a while,
Sit down, and enjoy a much calmer lifestyle.
And then, I will get up and realize somehow
That I am a bit different; I do not know how.

I’m glad I took time to listen to me.
I’m no longer the same; I’m happier, you see,
‘Cause I've made it past another big hurdle today.
With practice, it will be easier, come what may.

Precious Linda, c. 2014

I slightly edited and revised this poem and posted it here on November 7, 2014.

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