My Grandma's Love

Today, I celebrated the home going of my beloved grandma. She died suddenly on December 20^th, when I was twelve. It was a difficult time for me, and yet, today, after many decades of missing her, I can celebrate her life and smile because I know my grandma loved me and I believe her love lives on in my heart and life today.

When I grew up, my family lived on the east coast and we traveled each summer to visit my grandma and my other grandparents in Wisconsin for a couple weeks. Grandma always greeted me with a big hug after our two day trip. She had her delicious date-filled, oatmeal cookies waiting for us, along with her homemade pan of “Mounds Bars,” that tasted just like the candy from the store!

I remember when Grandma purchased a red, metal, Radio Flyer wagon for my sister, two cousins, and me to play with when we visited her. We’d pull each other in the wagon, or better yet, push each other, so we could take turns sitting in the wagon, while steering with the handle and experience the sense of driving on the sidewalks around her block! What fun that was!! Grandma wasn’t concerned about which toys boys or girls played with. I enjoyed playing with her assortment of plastic army men and trucks and jeeps, too, as well as whatever else she had around for us kids.

Sometimes, Grandma would ask my older cousin and me to walk two blocks to Timm’s Dairy, a corner grocery store, to pick up some bread or milk. It was extra fun, when she’d give us money to each buy an orange push-up! What a cool and refreshing treat! She also allowed me to water her grass, one year, when it was extremely dry. I stood at the corner of her front walk, where it met the main sidewalk, and watered a two-foot square section of brown grass until I could “see” it turning green! It took a long time and I think it mostly looked like mud, but that was fine with Grandma!! J

I remember, when I was young, telling my Grandma that our time zone was an hour behind hers, since we lived on the east coast and she lived in the Midwest. I believe she probably gently told me the correct answer and when I disagreed, but she didn’t argue with me or try to force the correct answer on me. Instead, she just listened to me and let me figure it out and learn it for myself, when I was able to understand it better. I cherish that memory and look back with appreciation at her kind and wise response.

I still remember visiting Grandma’s house and finding an old, hand-wringer washing machine in her basement and thought it was strange and funny. I remember the large, metal keyholes in her bathroom and bedroom door locks that were so big, you could look through them. They needed a large, black, metal key to lock or unlock them. I remember the round, table set in the corner of her dining room where my sister and two cousins ate, while all the adults sat around a very large dining room table. Those were such good times to share together.

I was surprised when I visited the 3^rd grade Sunday school class at my Grandma’s church. The teacher asked the children if they had been reading their Bibles during the week. I didn’t even know I was supposed to be reading a Bible, even though I went to church and Sunday school, every week, with my parents. My parents had a Bible sitting on an end table. They said to never set anything on it because it was an important book and we were to be sure to dust it before the pastor visited. I realized, later, that Grandma went to a church that believed and talked about God’s word and faith in God as being important, real, and personally meaningful.

I was happy when we moved from New Jersey to Illinois and were able to see Grandma for Christmas. How exciting it was to see her and my other grandparents, and many other relatives, too! The second year, we looked forward to visiting her again! Mom talked with Grandma, a week before Christmas, and they talked about us driving up to see her. Grandma was all ready for us, with her presents wrapped and sitting under her Christmas tree, and her baking was done, including her delicious date-filled oatmeal cookies. A couple days later, my sister and I walked four blocks to Central Park in our town to see Santa Claus. As we waited in line, a neighbor lady came up to us and said we had to go home right away. We found out that my beloved grandma had died, five days before Christmas, and we would not be seeing her at all, not at Christmas, nor ever again. I remember sitting on our living room couch, looking up at the ceiling, trying desperately to keep my tears from falling down my face, while our pastor visited us that evening.

It was a very difficult Christmas for all of us. Even though I was twelve, I was not allowed to go into my Grandma’s house, and wished I could have visited, one last time, to take in more memories to add to the ones I had. The strange thing for me was that my other grandparents had paid for a Santa to visit us at their house on Christmas Eve and we were supposed to sing for him before he would give us any presents. I didn’t feel like singing that year. I missed my Grandma!!! Then, on Christmas morning, my little brother had to have emergency surgery to put tubes in his ears to help with his ear infections! It was a different Christmas for all of us.

I remember going to Grandma’s funeral at church and being so surprised to see someone who looked just like my grandma!!! It turned out to be my great aunt from Montana, my grandma’s sister, whom I had not met. I think I thought Grandma had come back from the dead; they looked so much like! I was disappointed that I couldn’t go to the cemetery site to see Grandma’s body laid to rest. I think I had to stay in the nursery to take care of my younger brother. It was also pretty cold outside.

Even to this day, I still treasure the gift that Grandma had sitting under her Christmas tree for me that year. It was a pink and white pin cushion, with a two-inch, crocheted, lace-like edge around it. She had pinned it to a piece of cardboard and wrote, “To Linda, from Grandma” with the year on it. That was her last note to me. Oh, how I miss her and cherish that note and gift!!!

I learned two other things about my Grandma, after she died, that told me about her faith in God. At her funeral, I learned that her favorite song was, “I Come to the Garden Alone” by Charles A. Miles. The words of the song are:

1.      I come to the garden alone,
While the dew is still on the roses,
And the voice I hear falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses.

o    Refrain:
And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

http://library.timelesstruths.org/music/In_the_Garden/

These words tell me of a person who talks with God, as a friend – honest and true – and one who trusts God, in the morning and the evening, and all day long. Grandma became a widow, with two daughters and a son, ages 16, 11, and 7 to raise on her own. Although my grandfather had owned and run a candy store in town, with homemade candies made from his special recipes, he had no recipes written down, and my grandma could not continue the business. I am sure that my Grandma’s faith, ingenuity, and strength of character are what kept her going, especially, at that time, and in the years that followed. My grandma was able to continue living in her home by making the upstairs of her two-story house into an apartment that she could rent for income, while she and her children continued to live on the main floor. 

Another interesting story that helps me know more about my grandma’s faith is what my mom told me about the events at the time of Grandma’s death. Grandma lived alone and we were all glad that she didn’t die alone, especially in her basement, where she may not have been found for several days. Apparently, my grandma had called a friend, around supper-time, to say that she wasn’t feeling well. The friend had been stirring her soup on the stove and felt an urge to stop what she was doing and go over to my grandma’s house right away. She turned off the stove and went to see my grandma. Grandma answered the door and they sat on her couch, talking about Christmas. Then, Grandma said she was tired and died in her friends arms. I can’t think of a better way to pass from this life to the next, especially when you live alone. I am so glad that Grandma’s friend, trusted the nudge that she had from the Lord to go and be with my grandma, at that time. I’m grateful for them having such a remarkable and close friendship, and that each of them trusted God enough to listen to His “still, small voice” and were led by His Spirit in their lives. To me, this is a testament of my grandma’s faith in God, as well as her friend’s faith, too, and of their very special friendship.

Grandma was the only person who loved me with such an amazing and unconditional love. I remember one time I was visiting at her house, and was looking out her window, trying to see what the three girls in her neighborhood were doing, across the street. As I got closer to the window, my forehead bumped the window and cracked the glass! I was very surprised and also petrified that I’d be in trouble and get yelled at, but no, Grandma took me in her arms and loved me all the same. I will never forget her kind gesture towards me that day.

Interestingly, as the years went by, and I grew up, I missed my grandma tremendously. I missed her when I graduated from high school and went to college. I missed her being present at my wedding. I missed being able to tell her about being pregnant and sharing the joy of each of our four children born into our family. I missed being able to tell her about my children, as they grew up. I missed her every single Christmas, and when December 20^th arrived, I’d think of her and miss her even more. I drove past her house and around her block, where she had lived, many times. I’d also visit her gravesite and those of her husband, sister, parents, and other relatives. As time went by, I’d also be at the cemetery where she was buried, for the burial of other relatives - my other grandparents, my aunts, a great aunt, and others, and I’d always stop at her grave afterwards, even if I had to search and look for her gravestone, under the snow.

After missing my beloved grandmother terribly for over 43 years, I went to a six-week class on grief and realized that she was the primary, loving parental figure in my life. Then, I understood why she meant so much to me and why I experienced such a deep, ongoing loss, for all of those years. I was finally able to grieve her death fully and appreciate her for who she was and what she meant to me and still means to me. Since I believe that love never ends, I believe her spirit of love lives on, not just in heaven, and not just within my heart, but I believe I can sense her presence of spirit with me - when I picture her sitting with me or walking or talking with me; especially, at times when I need her loving presence, even just briefly.

In time, I have learned to celebrate her life and be grateful for her. I smile when I think of her, and yet, there are still those moments of sadness, when I miss her being here, in the flesh. Each year, just before Christmas, I set the gifts she gave me, the ones I still have, under my Christmas tree. It’s a way for me to remember her and to remember her love for me, and to celebrate her life and how she touched mine and made such an impact on me and my faith, as well. I set out my favorite stuffed animal, a monkey named Chippy, with brown fur and a plastic face, hands, and white tennis shoes. My sister and I each received a monkey for Christmas from Grandma, with slightly different colored fur. When my sister thought it was hers, we both pulled on him and his plastic hand fell off. She no longer wanted him, but I loved him all the more, and still do, even though my youngest sister played with him while I was at college and he has very little fur now. 

I also set out two coloring books from her – one of fashion hats and one of RinTinTin. Then, I set out a G.I. Joe doll that has always seemed strange to me, because he wasn’t as much fun to play with as my Barbie dolls. I also set the beautiful pink and white, crocheted pin cushion doily with the piece of cardboard, on which Grandma had written my name and the year, in her own handwriting – her last note to me, tenderly under my Christmas tree. 

Lastly, I set out a black and white photo taken of my Grandma and me, the summer before she died, standing in front of our family station wagon, just before we drove back home. We have our arms around each other and I can see she’s hugging me, as always, with genuine love for me, as I look at the indentation of her hand against my sweater. I know my grandma loved me!!

Last year, as I continued my new tradition of remembering and celebrating my grandma’s life, I sat, looking at the monkey, the coloring books, the G.I. Joe doll, the pin-cushion, as well as, at our picture together, sitting under our Christmas tree, and thought of her. And, then, for the first time ever, I had a new sense and appreciation for my G.I. Joe doll! I realized what it had probably meant to my grandma!! She had been a widow for several years, having lost her husband, father, and sister in one year, when her only son went overseas, during WWII, and she did not know if he would come back alive or wounded, or at all. I had a new respect and understanding of my grandma that day, and empathized with her possible feelings, of having her son away, in the war, and appreciated her amazing strength and deep and abiding faith that must have helped her get through extremely difficult times. I felt like she had shared a deep and personal part of her life with me. I felt closer to her then, and still do.

This year, I also appreciated again, the “red, Christmas boot” with plastic mistletoe from my grandma

that I set out every year on our piano and the two small, wooden ornaments from my grandma – one of a red cardinal and one of two angels singing.

My grandma’s spirit of love touches me, even to this day. I know her love for me is with me, on this day and always!!

Thank you, Grandma, for your amazing gift of love for me and for sharing your deep faith and tremendous compassion with me and with others. I will always remember and appreciate you and your gift of love for me. I look forward to when I can see you again, on the other side, when I, too, have been transformed from this body of flesh, to the new one that God will give me, at that time. Until then, I love you, Grandma!! (2015-12-20)

Precious Linda, c. 2015

A Different Perspective!

The words of this poster picture went straight to my heart, when I was experiencing a difficult time in my life. The message struck a chord of truth for me. I stopped to allow the words to permeate deep within my mind. They continued to seep into my heart and found their way to my soul and spirit. I was able to refocus my thoughts and my feelings flowed.  With a renewed spirit, I was able to begin moving forward again.

When something doesn’t seem right in my life or something unexpected happens, it's so easy to focus on my half-filled cup. It's as if something's missing, needs to change, or something's wrong. I begin to wonder why others appear to have filled cups and I don’t. I’ve tried filling my cup with activities or relationships that are important to me. Sometimes, I fill it with food or other things I have purchased. I’ve prayed for myself and others, and have written out my conversations with God, to help me slow down and listen to what I think He would say, if He were next to me. This helps, sometimes, but eventually, my cup continues to appear half-filled.

If my cup were filled to the top, I think I’d probably be sloshing it around and spilling it all over, as I live my life, and end up with a half-filled cup, anyway. Perhaps, we were created to have cups that are only half-full so the rest of the cup can be filled with something else – maybe even something invisible! Perhaps, there’s more to this world than what we can see with our eyes.

I’m beginning to think we were created to carry the unique parts of ourselves in our cups – a combination of our physical and mental traits and abilities, personality, and experiences - and then allow God to fill our cups to overflowing with His Spirit – a spirit of love, joy, peace, goodness, mercy, and forgiveness. Perhaps these two unique and different parts were meant to come together, such that the seen and unseen parts mix and combine, until something new is created – a new creation! I believe we can welcome the work of God’s Spirit within ourselves to transform us, through faith-filled decisions, or we can remain stuck in our old ways of thinking and doing things.

For now, I will choose to consider the difficult times in my life as “blessings in disguise” and trust they are part of God’s loving plan for me to grow and mature. He gives me ample opportunities to make faith-filled choices, again and again, so I can grow up, little by little, in faith and love and, thereby, witness the wonderful transformation and blessings He has in store for me.

Sometimes, it seems painstakingly slow, to watch and wait for the growth to be seen. I think it’s similar to a farmer or gardener, who prepares the soil of their field or garden before planting the seeds, knowing and hoping that most of the seeds will sprout, take root, and grow into something not yet seen. In the same way, I will trust that God will do His amazing and unseen work in my life, as I allow Him to fill my cup with His Spirit of love and, as I make decisions that allow His Spirit to take root, deep within my heart, mind, soul, and spirit. Hopefully, with patience and faith-filled choices, I will eventually see more and more of the wonderful fruit of the Spirit that God desires to grow inside of me.

I hope and pray each of us will experience the peace and blessings of our cups overflowing with God's amazing love, grace, and wisdom, mixed together with all that He gives us to carry for His beautiful purposes. May we truly experience the privilege of witnessing miraculous transformations in our lives, and in the lives of those around us, as we choose to allow His Spirit to fill and permeate our cups.

May God bless you and me, with His amazing love, peace, and Presence, today and always!

Precious Linda

Happy Easter and Merry Christmas!!

Without Christmas, there is no Easter. That’s why I still have a brightly-lit Christmas tree sitting in my living room. This year, its 1 1/2 feet tall. It reminds me that Jesus came to this earth as a baby, to be the Light of the world, to show us the way to His Heavenly Father-God. Not only that, He came to set us free from the ongoing lies of the evil one… thoughts in our minds that gnaw at us, day and night, trying to keep us from believing the One who can actually rescue us from those lies that drag us down to the depths of despair, loneliness, bitterness, unforgiveness, like heavy weights and baggage hanging around our necks, ankles, or carried in our hands or on our backs.

 Jesus came… not just to die... but also to live, to show us a way to live above and beyond our circumstances, to give us hope and life, not just for this life, but with our Father-Creator who longs for us to return home to Him… to a place of love, without judgment, to a place of love that redeems us and has paid the ransom for believing and trusting the one who is a liar, instead of the One who is Truth.

I look at this small, Christmas tree and remember God’s amazing love… to send His only begotten Son, not made or created, but the very essence of Himself… to live in this world, which is being assaulted with the lies of the evil one. God's Son came to bring us Truth… the message and hope of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Not only that, but to those who believe that He is truly the Son of God and the Son of Man, the One who came to free us from the bondage and yoke of constant, fruitless unbelief…He has come to break those chains and set us free, once and for all. He offers us the gift of the Spirit of Life, of Love, of forgiveness and mercy… to truly give us life… eternal life, through the power of the resurrected Christ, a gift to us, the Holy Spirit who lives and dwells in each one who believes that Jesus Christ, came to bring us out of living in darkness to the place of living in Light, eternal life with Him!

May you enjoy a blessed Easter, as you celebrate Christmas, whether it’s today or tomorrow or years from now. I pray that this will truly be a day of joy, deep, deep within your heart and soul, not just on the day you say or said, “Yes!” to Christ, but every single moment of every day, that you, too, acknowledge the Power and Presence of His Spirit with you, within you, comforting and directing you, and doing what you could never imagine, in and through You!

May the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you, now and always!! Amen!

Happy Easter and Merry Christmas!

Hallelujah! The LORD is RISEN!!

He is Risen, indeed!!

Precious Linda, c.2014

Sitting next to my little Christmas tree is the painting from my friend. To learn why it’s sitting there and what it means to me, you can read my previous post at: http://twowhitebutterflies.blogspot.com/2013/03/two-white-butterflies-watercolor.html.

You may also wish to see y Christmas tree and what I wrote last Easter at: http://twowhitebutterflies.blogspot.com/2013/03/happy-easter.html. 

My Vending Machine God

I have, oftentimes, looked to God as a “vending machine god.” You know, the one I can go to anytime, pull a lever and out comes a blessing. Maybe it’s a blessing in “disguise,” but nevertheless, it’s God’s answer.

How often have I treated God this way, looking toward Him with a greedy, little heart, asking whatever I want and hoping He will give me His blessings or “rubber stamp” my agenda with His “O.K.?”

It grieves me to know that I truly have done this, many times, throughout my life. Sitting in a pew doesn’t make me a Christian. Praying and asking my “Vending Machine God” to bless someone doesn’t either. No, there must be something more.

This morning, as I was going through my “Good morning, Linda” conversation (http://twowhitebutterflies.blogspot.com/2013/03/good-morning-linda.html), instead of just reading, “Be still and know… trust… that I am God, Linda” and checking it off, as if in agreement, I wrote: “I am still (quiet) before You… listening, waiting, seeking You!” and sensed God saying, “Thank you!” However, I had intended to write… and somewhat pridefully, I hate to admit, “I am still (quiet), before you… seeking Your will, Your word, Your Spirit”… but, as I thought about what I was about to write, I noticed that my words had the idea or sense of “What can You give me, God?” rather than anticipating what He wanted to share with me, in that moment.

I was flabbergasted! I was appalled! Here, I thought I was “doing my duty,” coming before God, early in the morning, acknowledging Him – just like I was supposed to… and found out my heart wasn’t in the right place. Instead of coming to God with reverence and awe and humility, I came boldly, as a rash, prideful child or teenager, expecting something from Him rather than anticipating the joy of an intimate relationship with Him. I came to Him like someone holding her hand out to her father with the thought of, “What are you going to give me today?”

Oh, I’m so ashamed! I have treated my beloved Heavenly Father like a vending machine, expecting blessings and words of wisdom and nuggets of truth and power to do whatever I thought was best.

Tears are filling my eyes, as I realize how much God loves me, knowing how I’ve treated Him. He loves me, and you, so much that He sent His only begotten Son to live in human form in this world… to be born as a baby… to teach us what this loving, Father-Son relationship really looks like… with interactive trust, hope, faith, love, and the power of the Holy Spirit… with the plan that Jesus would be the perfect, sacrificial Lamb of God for the Jews, first, for the forgiveness of their sins, and then for the Gentiles, for all of mankind (or, humankind, if you prefer).  And, not only that, but for all who believe in Jesus, as the Son of God and as their Savior and Lord, we are given a new name, adopted as sons and daughters of the Father, provided with the gift of the Holy Spirit to empower and enable us to be renewed, transformed, and restored in our minds and hearts and healed of wounds and bitterness, and given the hope of resurrection and eternal life with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit… with God Almighty, beginning now and forever.

I have taken this all for granted and, worse, I have taken God for granted, too, expecting that He will do what’s best for me since He is a loving God, but without accepting the responsibilities of being a growing and maturing follower of Jesus Christ and responsible member of His family. I’m embarrassed to say, I have been an immature, irresponsible child… yes, even as a child of God… who has thought more about what I want and what I think than of what my Heavenly Father desires for me and for you and for all of humankind.

Lord? I’m ready to listen… I’m here with You!

XOXO Linda

Precious Linda, c. 2013

Good morning, Linda!

The following is something I wrote, as I envisioned God and me having a conversation, last fall. I try to read through this each day, in a prayerful state, listening to what God might want to say to me… or impress upon me… on that particular day. Believe it or not, there’s always something new that I believe He wants me to be aware of that day.

Be blessed, as you read and, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask me, in person, in an e-mail, or in the comment section. Thanks!

Linda

Good morning, Linda!

Be still and know… trust… that I am God, Linda.

I am Love, Goodness, Grace, and Mercy.

Thank You, Lord!

I worship and adore You.

Seek first, My kingdom and My righteousness, and I will provide all that you need today.

Thank You, Papa!

Your will be done… by me… today, LORD!! This… I pray.

Thank you, Linda!

Are you living, by faith, in My Son, Jesus Christ, Linda? Are you walking by faith, believing that you have been crucified with Christ on the cross with Him and the life you now live is by faith and not by sight, Linda?  Are you living by faith and not by sight, Honey?

Pause, and think about this, Linda… in your heart, mind, soul, body, and spirit. Please.

Yes, Lord. Yes, I will.

Have you put on… MY armor, this morning? Are you still wearing it and using it appropriately?

Pause, and think about this, dear Linda! I have provided you with all that you need for today.

Yes! Thank You, Papa! Thank You very much!

Walk by faith… with faith in Me… today, Linda. Walk closely with Me, Jesus Christ, and listen to My Holy Spirit… the TRUTH-TELLER… speaking truth to you.

Yes, Lord! Yes!

Listen for My “still, small voice”… continuously today, Linda.  Continuously.

Yes, Lord! Yes!

Be ready… to respond to whatever comes your way… with My love, My wisdom, My grace, and My mercy.

Yes, Lord! Yes!

Thank you, Linda! Thank you!

I will fill you continuously to overflowing with My Holy Spirit and with My Love, Peace, and Joy for this day… for whatever comes your way.

Thank You, Lord God Almighty! Thank You very much!

Yes, Linda! Yes!

Linda?

Yes, Papa – Father, Lord, Jesus Christ, and Holy Spirit?

Remember that I will give you strength for today. I will show you the way through whatever you need to go through… and I will give you the words to say… words of wisdom, love, grace, and mercy… to share with others and to share with yourself, as well, Linda-Honey.

Thank You, dear Father-Papa! Thank You!

Yes, Honey! Yes! I will also forgive you, as you continue to forgive those who have sinned against you.

Yes, Lord! Yes! Thank You, dear Papa! Thank You for Your wonderful and great gift of forgiveness of my sins and for the sins of others!

You are very welcome, My Dearest and Beloved Daughter!

Now and throughout today… whatever you do, whatever you say, whatever you think or believe, do it as being “one with Me… Jesus Christ” AND “one with the body of Christ”… in community with other believers, Linda… for My purposes and for My glory. Okay, Honey?

Yes, LORD! Yes!

In the name of Jesus, I pray and ask these things… today. Amen and AMEN!! Hallelujah! AMEN!

Thank you, Linda. I am with you… now… and, throughout this day…and forevermore! AMEN!

Thank You, Lord God Almighty! I praise and thank You for who You are and for all You do and are doing for me and for others, for our good and for Your great glory! I will continue to pray, praise, and thank You, throughout this day! Amen and Amen and Amen! Hallelujah! AMEN!

Thank you, Linda. I will never leave you nor forsake you. Nothing can snatch you from My hand.

Thank You, Papa!

Now, go in Peace…My peace.

Thank You, Papa!

The Peace of the Lord shall be with you, always, Linda! Forever… and ever!!

AMEN!

2012-10-31, 1252

Precious Linda, in silent prayer with God, c. 2012

Note: You may copy this conversational prayer and insert your name or edit it for your personal use. Precious Linda

Am I a Counterfeit Christian? A silent conversation with God.

I have found that my best way to “talk with God” is to write what I am thinking and then write back what I believe God is saying or would say to me. It slows me down, so I listen for His still, small voice.

Hi Papa!

Hi Honey!

What’s up, Sweetheart?

I’m really bothered about the word You brought up to me.

What is that, Linda?

Counterfeit, Papa! Counterfeit.

So, what bothers you about that word, Honey?

It makes me sound like a crook or like a hypocrite.

Well, are you?

Well, I didn’t think so, Papa! I’ve gone to church, believed in You, read Your word, and tried to live a good and kind and loving life.

Okay. I know you have, Honey, but that’s not what it’s all about.

Oh, I know. I believe in Jesus, too, and that He died for my sins.

Yes, and so does Satan, Linda.

But, Lord, I really have tried to do what You want and to listen to You!

You’re a great listener, Linda, when you sit down and talk with Me and when you’re out walking and enjoying My beautiful nature and My Presence, but really, Honey, you basically do what you want to do and not what I ask of you.

But I go to church, Papa, and I treat others kindly and compassionately.

It’s still counterfeit to what I desire of you.

But what do You want of me, Papa?

I want your heart, Honey!

But then I won’t be alive, Papa! I try to listen and be and do what You want.

I know that, Sweetheart, but it’s all about your take in life and what you think I want. It’s without My heart and My life and My Spirit, Linda – My loving Spirit in you, Honey.

But, God, I will die, if I give You my heart!

Linda? Haven’t you seen a seed… a dead-looking thing planted in fertile soil… grow into something more beautiful and plentiful and abundant and fruitful than that tiny, little seed?

Yes, Papa! I know that!

Good. Well, then, do you trust Me?

Yes.

Do you wish to be more than a “counterfeit” Christian?

Yes.

Are you willing to plant that precious seed that I have given you… a heart… that is… well… let’s just say… a heart without My love beating in it and My Spirit flowing… pumping through it… is… dead, Honey?

Okay, Lord! You can have my heart and I will trust You for the rest.

Good, Honey! Good.

Is this what, “I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live… but the life I live is by faith” means, Lord?

Yes.

Oh!! But I can’t see what’s ahead, Papa-Father.

You were never meant to, Linda! I have amazing and abundant things in store for you and others who call upon My name… the name of Jesus… and walk with Me… not according to their (or your) own agendas, Sweetheart, but who walk according to My Spirit!

I don’t know how, Papa! I don’t know how!

Just ask, Linda! Ask and you will be given good and great gifts, including, My Spirit of love and life and truth.

Lord? You showed me something else today.

Yes?

That I’m not just to be a conduit of Your love, but more like a living, breathing self… that moves… like soaking up Your Spirit of Living Water and then… oh, ick, Papa… I don’t really like this part… being squeezed out! Ouch! To share that love with others and then to soak up Your love and let it be squeezed out of me and then… just like breathing or having a heart that pumps blood… to take in Your Spirit and let it out by sharing it with others.

Yes, Linda-Honey! This is true life… in the Spirit and in the flesh. Abundant life… living and breathing and exhaling… being filled with My Holy Spirit and expressing that love and joy… and all the fruit of My Spirit to others… love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness, Linda!

Yes, Lord, and, goodness and gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control, too!

Yes, Honey! Remember, Sweetheart, don’t quench or grieve My Spirit.

Yes.

And, Linda?

Yes, Lord?

Please don’t let your “sponge” sit around and dry up.

There’s no way the fruit of My Spirit can possibly grow and produce the fruit I intended for you to share with others, if you just hide it away on a shelf or refuse to accept My free gift of Living Water.

Okay, Lord! Thanks! I’ll do my best to soak up Your Living Water and truth and love and squeeze it out to water other people’s heart and gardens, too!

I love You, Papa!

And, I love you, Linda!

XOXO Your Linda 

Precious Linda, in silent prayer with God, c. 2012