Finding Gratefulness in Difficult Moments of Life

This week, I became aware that it’s possible to transform old experiences from memories of something painful into memories of learning something new and for which I can be grateful, and by developing my integrity, which can only happen during times of conflict or stress. Needless to say, this is not something for someone who runs away from fearful or troubling memories or is unable to act out of courage and faith.

On Monday, in a community education class, Gratitude Castle, I learned that a gratitude journal provides a way to record past or present experiences from a perspective of acceptance and appreciation. It provides an invitation to view difficult experiences from a perspective that’s different than the one used at the time of an incident. It allows the brain, the mind, the body, soul, and spirit to integrate into a collective understanding, with a sense of knowing that whatever happened was for a reason, for a lesson to be learned, and was for one’s ultimate good, and for experiencing abundance in this life.

I can choose to remain stubborn and remain stuck with the memories and feelings of a past incident, forever rehashing what happened, from my perspective, at that time, only to relive the same feelings and thoughts over and over. I could continue to ask myself, “Why did it have to happen that way?” or “What if it hadn’t happened?” or Why me?” or “How can I get past this?” or tell myself, “I should have known better!” but each of these responses only digs the rut of those same thoughts and feelings deeper and deeper.

As I learned about keeping a gratitude journal, I heard about how I can practice “living through gratitude,” as a way of being and looking at the universe, the world in which I live, including the spiritual aspects of life. I recall Bible verses I have known and sought to live by, including: “Give thanks in all circumstances” and “Rejoice in the Lord always.” (See: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 and Philippians 4:4) I have interpreted these verses to mean, “Try to do this! Try to look at the positive side. Try to see the silver lining in every cloud,” but after a while, darkness sets in, thoughts and feelings repeat, and a rut is formed. It’s very difficult to get out of a well-worn rut, especially during storms when the rain is pelting down so hard that it just makes the mud deeper and more slippery. There is no or very little traction found in a muddy rut, especially during the difficult storms of life.

My friend and teacher, Linda Abbott, explained how life’s experiences, no matter how difficult or unbearable, become our life’s lessons and it’s those lessons that become our memories. Our memories, no matter how painful, can be transformed from shock, terror, disappointment, disillusionment, unbearable grief, deep loss, and heartache to something totally new, surprising, even joyful… such as what I wrote in My Grandma’s Love, where, after forty-three years of grieving my grandmother’s death, five days before Christmas when I was twelve, I was finally able to celebrate her life, each year, and every moment I think of or remember her. I am also able to sense new things about my grandmother and her life, and imagine her loving presence with me, when I need a grandma’s love. Learning how to fully grieve her untimely and sudden death, decades after being unable to, has taught me that I can find ways to let go of other deeply personal and difficult emotions from old hurts and wounded places in my heart, mind, body, and soul.

In his book, Rock the Boat, Resmaa Menakem wrote: “Integrity only appears when there is conflict or stress. It doesn’t take integrity to do the right thing when nothing stands in your way.” This, too, fits my need and desire to take an honest look at old memories that have not yet been transformed, bringing my heart, mind, soul, spirit, and body into full agreement in what was meant to eventually be an integral learning experience for my good and for the good of others.

With these things in mind, I look forward to continuing with this class and learning from one who has lived through extremely difficult times and found ways to transform the ashes of her difficult experiences into beauty, with love, truth, faith, hope, acceptance, and gratefulness.

This is what I want to do, as I seek to allow God’s Spirit of love and light to shine into my dark and hidden places, revealing truth and lessons to be learned, as I choose to look at and ponder these things from more than my single-minded, myopic perspective.

I believe, as I allow the Spirit of Love to enter more and more of my being, acceptance, trust, hope, and faith will grow, and that’s when and where I will see transformation happen!

Precious Linda, c. 2015

A Different Perspective!

The words of this poster picture went straight to my heart, when I was experiencing a difficult time in my life. The message struck a chord of truth for me. I stopped to allow the words to permeate deep within my mind. They continued to seep into my heart and found their way to my soul and spirit. I was able to refocus my thoughts and my feelings flowed.  With a renewed spirit, I was able to begin moving forward again.

When something doesn’t seem right in my life or something unexpected happens, it's so easy to focus on my half-filled cup. It's as if something's missing, needs to change, or something's wrong. I begin to wonder why others appear to have filled cups and I don’t. I’ve tried filling my cup with activities or relationships that are important to me. Sometimes, I fill it with food or other things I have purchased. I’ve prayed for myself and others, and have written out my conversations with God, to help me slow down and listen to what I think He would say, if He were next to me. This helps, sometimes, but eventually, my cup continues to appear half-filled.

If my cup were filled to the top, I think I’d probably be sloshing it around and spilling it all over, as I live my life, and end up with a half-filled cup, anyway. Perhaps, we were created to have cups that are only half-full so the rest of the cup can be filled with something else – maybe even something invisible! Perhaps, there’s more to this world than what we can see with our eyes.

I’m beginning to think we were created to carry the unique parts of ourselves in our cups – a combination of our physical and mental traits and abilities, personality, and experiences - and then allow God to fill our cups to overflowing with His Spirit – a spirit of love, joy, peace, goodness, mercy, and forgiveness. Perhaps these two unique and different parts were meant to come together, such that the seen and unseen parts mix and combine, until something new is created – a new creation! I believe we can welcome the work of God’s Spirit within ourselves to transform us, through faith-filled decisions, or we can remain stuck in our old ways of thinking and doing things.

For now, I will choose to consider the difficult times in my life as “blessings in disguise” and trust they are part of God’s loving plan for me to grow and mature. He gives me ample opportunities to make faith-filled choices, again and again, so I can grow up, little by little, in faith and love and, thereby, witness the wonderful transformation and blessings He has in store for me.

Sometimes, it seems painstakingly slow, to watch and wait for the growth to be seen. I think it’s similar to a farmer or gardener, who prepares the soil of their field or garden before planting the seeds, knowing and hoping that most of the seeds will sprout, take root, and grow into something not yet seen. In the same way, I will trust that God will do His amazing and unseen work in my life, as I allow Him to fill my cup with His Spirit of love and, as I make decisions that allow His Spirit to take root, deep within my heart, mind, soul, and spirit. Hopefully, with patience and faith-filled choices, I will eventually see more and more of the wonderful fruit of the Spirit that God desires to grow inside of me.

I hope and pray each of us will experience the peace and blessings of our cups overflowing with God's amazing love, grace, and wisdom, mixed together with all that He gives us to carry for His beautiful purposes. May we truly experience the privilege of witnessing miraculous transformations in our lives, and in the lives of those around us, as we choose to allow His Spirit to fill and permeate our cups.

May God bless you and me, with His amazing love, peace, and Presence, today and always!

Precious Linda

Am I a Counterfeit Christian? A silent conversation with God.

I have found that my best way to “talk with God” is to write what I am thinking and then write back what I believe God is saying or would say to me. It slows me down, so I listen for His still, small voice.

Hi Papa!

Hi Honey!

What’s up, Sweetheart?

I’m really bothered about the word You brought up to me.

What is that, Linda?

Counterfeit, Papa! Counterfeit.

So, what bothers you about that word, Honey?

It makes me sound like a crook or like a hypocrite.

Well, are you?

Well, I didn’t think so, Papa! I’ve gone to church, believed in You, read Your word, and tried to live a good and kind and loving life.

Okay. I know you have, Honey, but that’s not what it’s all about.

Oh, I know. I believe in Jesus, too, and that He died for my sins.

Yes, and so does Satan, Linda.

But, Lord, I really have tried to do what You want and to listen to You!

You’re a great listener, Linda, when you sit down and talk with Me and when you’re out walking and enjoying My beautiful nature and My Presence, but really, Honey, you basically do what you want to do and not what I ask of you.

But I go to church, Papa, and I treat others kindly and compassionately.

It’s still counterfeit to what I desire of you.

But what do You want of me, Papa?

I want your heart, Honey!

But then I won’t be alive, Papa! I try to listen and be and do what You want.

I know that, Sweetheart, but it’s all about your take in life and what you think I want. It’s without My heart and My life and My Spirit, Linda – My loving Spirit in you, Honey.

But, God, I will die, if I give You my heart!

Linda? Haven’t you seen a seed… a dead-looking thing planted in fertile soil… grow into something more beautiful and plentiful and abundant and fruitful than that tiny, little seed?

Yes, Papa! I know that!

Good. Well, then, do you trust Me?

Yes.

Do you wish to be more than a “counterfeit” Christian?

Yes.

Are you willing to plant that precious seed that I have given you… a heart… that is… well… let’s just say… a heart without My love beating in it and My Spirit flowing… pumping through it… is… dead, Honey?

Okay, Lord! You can have my heart and I will trust You for the rest.

Good, Honey! Good.

Is this what, “I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live… but the life I live is by faith” means, Lord?

Yes.

Oh!! But I can’t see what’s ahead, Papa-Father.

You were never meant to, Linda! I have amazing and abundant things in store for you and others who call upon My name… the name of Jesus… and walk with Me… not according to their (or your) own agendas, Sweetheart, but who walk according to My Spirit!

I don’t know how, Papa! I don’t know how!

Just ask, Linda! Ask and you will be given good and great gifts, including, My Spirit of love and life and truth.

Lord? You showed me something else today.

Yes?

That I’m not just to be a conduit of Your love, but more like a living, breathing self… that moves… like soaking up Your Spirit of Living Water and then… oh, ick, Papa… I don’t really like this part… being squeezed out! Ouch! To share that love with others and then to soak up Your love and let it be squeezed out of me and then… just like breathing or having a heart that pumps blood… to take in Your Spirit and let it out by sharing it with others.

Yes, Linda-Honey! This is true life… in the Spirit and in the flesh. Abundant life… living and breathing and exhaling… being filled with My Holy Spirit and expressing that love and joy… and all the fruit of My Spirit to others… love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness, Linda!

Yes, Lord, and, goodness and gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control, too!

Yes, Honey! Remember, Sweetheart, don’t quench or grieve My Spirit.

Yes.

And, Linda?

Yes, Lord?

Please don’t let your “sponge” sit around and dry up.

There’s no way the fruit of My Spirit can possibly grow and produce the fruit I intended for you to share with others, if you just hide it away on a shelf or refuse to accept My free gift of Living Water.

Okay, Lord! Thanks! I’ll do my best to soak up Your Living Water and truth and love and squeeze it out to water other people’s heart and gardens, too!

I love You, Papa!

And, I love you, Linda!

XOXO Your Linda 

Precious Linda, in silent prayer with God, c. 2012

Beauty - Hidden Treasures (Previously: Beauty)

There are just some times, when life seems so same-old, same-old… as if I’m in such a rut or routine, that each day rolls by without anything seemingly significant happening. “What’s the use?” “Why bother?” I wonder. “What’s the meaning or purpose of life, anyway?!”

Then, I realize that other parts of life can seem so insignificant or homely, even ugly and non-descript… but that something… just something… even special… even what one might call, “Beautiful,” is hidden beyond the surface.

I think of cocoons and caterpillars hidden away from sight, in what might seem like an ugly or unimpressive home… only to become the home or birthplace… as if from a womb, ready to bear something quite remarkable and impressive… of a beautiful, colorful, lace-like design of a butterfly… something miraculously different than a caterpillar that can only crawl on the ground… and yet, it too, has a beauty in and of itself with colorful markings and hair and a furry body.

So also, a seed… a rather bland object… usually with a hard surface and no “picture book design” on the outside to tell you what it is or what it can grow into… and yet, unbelievably, when planted and hidden away, for a period of time, unique to each seed, it grows into something beautiful and totally different from the casing in which it was entombed.

Sometimes, I wonder, how and in what ways, we people, who may feel imprisoned in our thoughts or ways or pasts or busy lives… will experience a release from what we know and experience now… to become the beautifully transformed person that God has envisioned and designed for us… once we move from something dead-like, as a seed… to something fully alive in His Spirit! Who knows? Maybe before I physically die, I, too, will see the beauty of His love radiating out in multiple colors and ways, from myself and the people who walk in His power and light and love.

I look forward to seeing, more and more, the beauty God has envisioned for me and others and for all of His creation.

Precious Linda, c. 2012