I Wish I Could Die!

I wish I could die and not feel all this pain.

I wish I could fly over rocky road shame.

I wish I could never be trampled on again.

I wish I could end it! When will my life end?

I’m helpless, it’s true! It makes me feel blue.

Yellow-bellied, lily-livered, through and through.

My life is a waste. Don’t tell me, “Somehow,

It’s worth it to live and I’ll take a bow.”

My parents don’t love me; they don’t seem to care.

I feel like an orphan or soiled underwear. 

My friends are too busy, or don’t really know why

I avoid them, and tremble; and then, I just sigh.

Others in this world have it better than me.

Some others have it worse - a lot worse, I see.

Perhaps I’m in the middle of the “Yuck-o-Meter” now.

I wonder if I can find my way out of this, somehow.

I've heard it said in the really Good Book:

Sometimes you need to stop, and just take a look

At what’s really around you, and not too far

From the place you are standing, just where you are.

It needs to be okay to be where you are.

You've come a long way, so follow your Star.

I can’t find it! I can’t see! It’s way too dark for me!

Then turn on a light, or follow One closely.

It really doesn't matter; just get on the move

To become unstuck and to find your groove!

My breathing has settled; I’m much calmer, you know.

There was so much pent-up energy, I had to let go!

I thank you, profusely, for letting me vent;

I hope I didn't ding you up, or give you a dent.

Sometimes my emotions and feelings go wild.

It truly wasn't easy for me, as a child.

Sometimes, I get triggered and really confused,

Mixing past hurts and present ones, with similar cues.

For now, I will breathe, and relax for a while,

Sit down, and enjoy a much calmer lifestyle.

And then, I will get up and realize somehow

That I am a bit different; I do not know how.

I’m glad I took time to listen to me.

I’m no longer the same; I’m happier, you see,

‘Cause I've made it past another big hurdle today.

With practice, it will be easier, come what may.

Precious Linda, c. 2014

I slightly edited and revised this poem and posted it here on November 7, 2014.

Clichés and Half-Baked Truths

A lot of sayings have been passed on from generation to generation. Many have nuggets of truth and wisdom.  Others, however, are only partially true or not true at all.  Perhaps someone has encountered a “dumb blonde,” once in a while, but it certainly doesn’t mean that all blondes are like those depicted in the “dumb blonde jokes.”  

One saying I have heard and used is, “Parents have eyes in the back of their heads!” Yes, parents do have a way of knowing things that go beyond what they can see with their own two eyes. They hear things and listen well to the words between what is said or they watch the body language or facial expressions of a person.

Even so, as I contemplated talking with a friend about things I’d rather not remember, things that might fall under the category of family secrets, I found myself saying, “I can’t say anything about what I feel or think.”

“Why not?” she asked?

“Because parents have eyes in the backs of their heads,” I replied.

She looked at me and asked, “Is that true?”

“No,” I answered.

“Are they here?”

“No,” I answered, again.

“So, they won’t know unless you tell them or I do. I won’t and it’s your choice, if you tell them.”

She was right. Parents do not have eyes in the back of their heads, so some clichés, although partially true, may not be true at all!

Precious Linda, c. 2014.

My House of Cards Fell Today

This was originally written in July and became rather long so I am only sharing the first part with you. I think you’ll understand the idea of what happened, as just being a part of life and growing up.

My house of cards came tumbling down,

I sat there and just looked around,

As things that once I thought I knew,

What once, I thought was really true,

I saw now as only a bunch of air.

I looked and wondered what had happened

To make my house of cards fall.

Was it faulty nails or glue or tape?

Or, maybe storms or an earthquake?

I sat there, not really knowing why.

And, then, I heard a voice from a quiet guy,

“You know, a house built on rock will stand forever;

While a house built on sand will always quiver.

Foundations are important, you know.

At least, you’re learning this. So,  

What will you do next, my friend?

It’s really your choice and not the end.”

Staring into space, I turned and asked, “Why?

Why didn’t I know this before?”

“Because you weren’t born as a full-fledged adult,

But only as a teachable kid.

What you learned from your folks

Is hard to decipher,

When all you want is

To be like him or like her.

...

Precious Linda, c. 2013