Peeling Paint and Internalized Symptoms

How often have you seen peeling paint and realized that something isn’t right…either the paint has aged or there’s something going on with the surface on which the paint was applied…  perhaps, there was no primer paint used or perhaps there was some rotting wood or seepage of some sort going on. In any case, if repairs are to be made that will last more than a season, one needs to get down to the inner parts of that house or object that needs to be painted.

So also, it is with people. How often do we go around with a plastic or practiced smiley face which hides the truth of the feelings and fears and thoughts that we hold inside? Or, worse, how many people aren’t even aware of the thoughts and feelings that cause them to show forth internalized symptoms that come across, at times, as “peeling paint”… odd behaviors, eruptions of anger, un-understandable fears, terror, etc. triggered by something from their past that has been so deeply hidden that they are not even aware of it?

One type of person like this might be someone with PTSD and repressed memories who, when experiencing a present event or hearing of one, ends up with triggered memories that have been deeply internalized and shows up as symptoms of great fear and terror, extreme sadness or grief, or a myriad of other emotions that surface without reason.

So, as in handling peeling paint and working on the foundation, so also, these people need to become more and more aware of their internalized symptoms that begin to manifest as bodily feelings and emotions they hardly know how to define or identify, but once they do, these old, old feelings, like rotten wood, can be replaced with feelings in the here and now and, as wood or a foundation that is repaired, so also a person with internalized symptoms can begin to see healing of their soul and enjoy the myriad of feelings and emotions and the development of an integrated self – of body, mind, and soul, and enjoy the rainbows of emotional colors and thoughts, and live in and enjoy the present moment, living in relationships with others, without the anchor and hooks to the past that once kept them in a pit of despair and hopelessness.

Precious Linda – 2013

Written with the prompts of “peeling paint” and “internalized symptoms” for 12 minutes at my Practice Writing Group.

Gracie and Grace (Previously entitled: Grace)

Gracie Marie smiled gleefully from her high chair. Wisps of blond hair brushed her cheeks, as she giggled with glee. She was enthralled with picking up each tiny Cheerio and would celebrate the achievement of making that Cheerio stick to her wet fingers and get in her mouth. Her joyous laugh made me smile, too, and I was so grateful that God had blessed us with such a joyful child, 2 ½ years ago.

I leaned over and kissed the top of her head, smiling, and continued cleaning up the kitchen, strewn with breakfast dishes from our older three kids who had already left for school. After clearing the table and filling the sink with soapy water, I turned back to wipe down the table. It was then that I noticed that Gracie had tipped over the bowl of applesauce and was finger-painting with it on her tray and in her hair.

“Oh, Gracie! Applesauce is to eat, not play with!”

I quickly removed the bowl, spoon, and cup from the tray and scooped up the remaining applesauce, as best as I could, with a generous swipe of my washrag. Then, I tried to wipe Gracie’s face clean and smear some of the applesauce from her hair, too.

“Oh, Gracie! Gracie! What will I do with you?” I said in a sing-song way, smiling, remembering the outbursts of anger I heard at home, when things didn’t go as expected.

I was grateful that, today, I could show Gracie the grace that I was learning to experience from my Heavenly Father, too!

Precious Linda, c. 2012