“Present Moment” - Don’t Keep Your Mouth Shut Tightly!!

I wrote this as a “present moment,” first writing with some writing friends today, in 5 minutes, as a warm-up to additional writing. They thought it was funny and since I usually don’t write humorous pieces, I’ll share this with you, slightly edited.

Deep breath! I made it. If it wasn't planned, I wouldn't have come. For some reason, I’m so tired. Maybe I’m finally learning how to relax my jaw and face… and my body needs time…lots of time… to just be at peace and relax.

I’m not at peace as much as I’d like. Sometimes, I feel tense at home with my husband working at home every day or when I add more to my list of things to do than I cross off.  I rarely have time to myself unless I’m up in the middle of the night, but that backfires for me now… pretty much like burning a candle at both ends.

I didn't know that I’m not supposed to keep my teeth together when my mouth is shut. I thought it kept my teeth growing to the right height, especially if I've had some dental work done. Apparently, it causes stress to my jaw and face muscles such that it hurts when a doctor, dentist or physical therapist pokes it. So, if nobody pokes my face, what’s the big deal?

I guess holding stress in my face isn't a healthy idea. Perhaps that’s why I prefer smiling or talking. It’s less stressful.

Precious Linda, 2013

Peeling Paint and Internalized Symptoms

How often have you seen peeling paint and realized that something isn’t right…either the paint has aged or there’s something going on with the surface on which the paint was applied…  perhaps, there was no primer paint used or perhaps there was some rotting wood or seepage of some sort going on. In any case, if repairs are to be made that will last more than a season, one needs to get down to the inner parts of that house or object that needs to be painted.

So also, it is with people. How often do we go around with a plastic or practiced smiley face which hides the truth of the feelings and fears and thoughts that we hold inside? Or, worse, how many people aren’t even aware of the thoughts and feelings that cause them to show forth internalized symptoms that come across, at times, as “peeling paint”… odd behaviors, eruptions of anger, un-understandable fears, terror, etc. triggered by something from their past that has been so deeply hidden that they are not even aware of it?

One type of person like this might be someone with PTSD and repressed memories who, when experiencing a present event or hearing of one, ends up with triggered memories that have been deeply internalized and shows up as symptoms of great fear and terror, extreme sadness or grief, or a myriad of other emotions that surface without reason.

So, as in handling peeling paint and working on the foundation, so also, these people need to become more and more aware of their internalized symptoms that begin to manifest as bodily feelings and emotions they hardly know how to define or identify, but once they do, these old, old feelings, like rotten wood, can be replaced with feelings in the here and now and, as wood or a foundation that is repaired, so also a person with internalized symptoms can begin to see healing of their soul and enjoy the myriad of feelings and emotions and the development of an integrated self – of body, mind, and soul, and enjoy the rainbows of emotional colors and thoughts, and live in and enjoy the present moment, living in relationships with others, without the anchor and hooks to the past that once kept them in a pit of despair and hopelessness.

Precious Linda – 2013

Written with the prompts of “peeling paint” and “internalized symptoms” for 12 minutes at my Practice Writing Group.

My House of Cards Fell Today

This was originally written in July and became rather long so I am only sharing the first part with you. I think you’ll understand the idea of what happened, as just being a part of life and growing up.

My house of cards came tumbling down,

I sat there and just looked around,

As things that once I thought I knew,

What once, I thought was really true,

I saw now as only a bunch of air.

I looked and wondered what had happened

To make my house of cards fall.

Was it faulty nails or glue or tape?

Or, maybe storms or an earthquake?

I sat there, not really knowing why.

And, then, I heard a voice from a quiet guy,

“You know, a house built on rock will stand forever;

While a house built on sand will always quiver.

Foundations are important, you know.

At least, you’re learning this. So,  

What will you do next, my friend?

It’s really your choice and not the end.”

Staring into space, I turned and asked, “Why?

Why didn’t I know this before?”

“Because you weren’t born as a full-fledged adult,

But only as a teachable kid.

What you learned from your folks

Is hard to decipher,

When all you want is

To be like him or like her.

...

Precious Linda, c. 2013

Some Things are Too Funny Not to Share

This past week, I began cleaning out e-mails that have accumulated in my inbox and folders for many years... thousands and thousands of them. Yesterday, I finally cleaned out my inbox and most of the e-mails in my many folders.

I was surprised, when I set up an e-mail account on my new tablet and saw eleven e-mails in my inbox. As the tablet synced with my computer, the e-mails disappeared and a white, empty inbox appeared... until I received the message seen in the photo. It was such an unexpected and pleasant surprise! I've been laughing ever since and wanted to share this joyful surprise with you!

Precious Linda - 2013

Space and Margins - Providing Room for Grace to Grow

How often do we leave extra time for reaching our destination or for completing a task?

How often do I wait until the last minute, in order to provide a “built-in” deadline?

How often do I procrastinate because I think, “Whatever I am planning to do won’t be good enough?”

Am I missing out on something? Am I allowing room for grace to grow in my life and look for opportunities to share grace with others?

Without leaving space and margins of time and energy, when planning my day and executing it, I believe, I lose the ability to exhibit responsible “self-control” over what happens to me and my thoughts, both internally and externally. I give up my ability to thoughtfully choose what I think or what I will do and, instead, become reactive to what happens to me, as if I am a victim of my circumstances or “lack of time.” I also give up responsibility for my emotional well-being. I no longer leave room to deal with, or even to accept, my emotions and what’s happening to me and do not see or accept interruptions as opportunities for personal growth and expressions of faith and grace but, rather, as if someone threw a monkey wrench in the works.

Without space or margins, I am only living “on the fly,” like a hamster on a wheel, mindlessly trying to catch something that is impossible to catch, or trying to do something that is impossible to do, such as taking on too many tasks or trying to achieve too many goals, for which there is not enough time to complete. I have “put off  until tomorrow” something that I had hoped to do today, only to find out that “tomorrow” already has enough to do. It’s as if I am trying to “borrow time” and end up with a “credit card debt” of time that can never be paid back.

Why do I do this? Could it be that being “busy” with anything is a way to distract me from conflicting thoughts or feelings, from the present or the past, that I prefer to keep pacified, at bay, caged up, or buried? I am slowly realizing that until I allow myself to feel the feelings that I am avoiding, they will not go away, but will remain “harbored” in my body, as an emotional cancer, eating away at my mind, my heart, and my soul, causing havoc within my spirit.

Now, as I contemplate and experience my day, I am learning to pay attention to the feelings that surface and to determine whether they relate to the present moment or to something from the past. When I choose to identify the feelings and allow them to flow, like water over a dam, they actually dissipate and pass on by, leaving me relaxed, calm, peaceful, and able to understand the thoughts behind them and make choices without fear or angst. My spirit is free to soar again in a state of peace and love, and I am able to show grace and compassion to myself and to others.

Precious Linda, c. 2013

My Vending Machine God

I have, oftentimes, looked to God as a “vending machine god.” You know, the one I can go to anytime, pull a lever and out comes a blessing. Maybe it’s a blessing in “disguise,” but nevertheless, it’s God’s answer.

How often have I treated God this way, looking toward Him with a greedy, little heart, asking whatever I want and hoping He will give me His blessings or “rubber stamp” my agenda with His “O.K.?”

It grieves me to know that I truly have done this, many times, throughout my life. Sitting in a pew doesn’t make me a Christian. Praying and asking my “Vending Machine God” to bless someone doesn’t either. No, there must be something more.

This morning, as I was going through my “Good morning, Linda” conversation (http://twowhitebutterflies.blogspot.com/2013/03/good-morning-linda.html), instead of just reading, “Be still and know… trust… that I am God, Linda” and checking it off, as if in agreement, I wrote: “I am still (quiet) before You… listening, waiting, seeking You!” and sensed God saying, “Thank you!” However, I had intended to write… and somewhat pridefully, I hate to admit, “I am still (quiet), before you… seeking Your will, Your word, Your Spirit”… but, as I thought about what I was about to write, I noticed that my words had the idea or sense of “What can You give me, God?” rather than anticipating what He wanted to share with me, in that moment.

I was flabbergasted! I was appalled! Here, I thought I was “doing my duty,” coming before God, early in the morning, acknowledging Him – just like I was supposed to… and found out my heart wasn’t in the right place. Instead of coming to God with reverence and awe and humility, I came boldly, as a rash, prideful child or teenager, expecting something from Him rather than anticipating the joy of an intimate relationship with Him. I came to Him like someone holding her hand out to her father with the thought of, “What are you going to give me today?”

Oh, I’m so ashamed! I have treated my beloved Heavenly Father like a vending machine, expecting blessings and words of wisdom and nuggets of truth and power to do whatever I thought was best.

Tears are filling my eyes, as I realize how much God loves me, knowing how I’ve treated Him. He loves me, and you, so much that He sent His only begotten Son to live in human form in this world… to be born as a baby… to teach us what this loving, Father-Son relationship really looks like… with interactive trust, hope, faith, love, and the power of the Holy Spirit… with the plan that Jesus would be the perfect, sacrificial Lamb of God for the Jews, first, for the forgiveness of their sins, and then for the Gentiles, for all of mankind (or, humankind, if you prefer).  And, not only that, but for all who believe in Jesus, as the Son of God and as their Savior and Lord, we are given a new name, adopted as sons and daughters of the Father, provided with the gift of the Holy Spirit to empower and enable us to be renewed, transformed, and restored in our minds and hearts and healed of wounds and bitterness, and given the hope of resurrection and eternal life with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit… with God Almighty, beginning now and forever.

I have taken this all for granted and, worse, I have taken God for granted, too, expecting that He will do what’s best for me since He is a loving God, but without accepting the responsibilities of being a growing and maturing follower of Jesus Christ and responsible member of His family. I’m embarrassed to say, I have been an immature, irresponsible child… yes, even as a child of God… who has thought more about what I want and what I think than of what my Heavenly Father desires for me and for you and for all of humankind.

Lord? I’m ready to listen… I’m here with You!

XOXO Linda

Precious Linda, c. 2013

Unexpected Gifts of Love

It’s amazing to me, how the gift of love can touch my heart, in unexpected ways.

Today, as I read the following post from a friend on Facebook, tears filled my eyes and ran down my face:

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
Psalm 139:7-10 (NIV)

The reminder that God loves me, wherever I am, even when I’m feeling “in the dumps,” even when I feel afraid, even when I live with fear, not from the present, but buried deeply in the recesses of my mind and soul, even then, even there, God is with me!

The amazing love of God that knows no end and the gift of a friend who posted these verses for me to see, and the knowledge that God orchestrated this gift for me to receive this morning, overwhelms me with gratitude for God and gratitude for the gifts of love that are shared by others who know His love and are able to express it to others, from places deep within.

I am grateful for the gift of love, no matter what form it takes or how it’s delivered. Love is an eternal gift that touches my heart and spirit… forever.

Thank You, Heavenly Father, for this wonderful reminder of Your amazing love and Your desire for me to be in loving relationship with You, all the days of my life, until You bring me home. Thank You also for friends who share gifts of love with me and with others! AMEN!!