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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Phantom Pain

Once.
I was.
There.

Hurt. Bewildered. Terror-filled.
No more. Never again.

My body freezes. Remembering.
My thoughts cannot. Remember.
Tension. Debilitating fear!
My heart beats faster and faster.
Neon lights of fear, flash

ON & off, ON & off, ON

in a body
that
cannot
connect
body
memories
to
my
conscious
brain.

My body remembers the past,
my mind does not,
triggering unconscious fears,
pain, and shame.
Neon lights of fear, flash

ON & off, ON & off, ON.

warning me, telling me
of phantom pain;
throbbing, itching,
painful feelings
of what was once there,
but is no more.
Neon lights of fear, flash

ON & off, ON & off, ON.

Phantom memories
surviving, surface.
Gripping pain
holds on, tightly.
The pain remains,
feelings freeze.
The neon lights of fear, flash

ON & off, ON & off, ON

until others mirror the loss,
my brain gently accepts.
Shame
shifts
burps
puffs
snips,
bursting
heavy,
dark
clouds,
thundering
downpours.

The neon lights begin to flicker

ON & off, On & off, on

OFF.

My body relaxes.
My heart purrs.
I am free, once again,

to be at peace.

Precious Linda, c. 2014

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