Phantom Pain

Once.

I was.

There.

Hurt. Bewildered. Terror-filled.

No more. Never again.

My body freezes. Remembering.

My thoughts cannot. Remember.

Tension. Debilitating fear!

My heart beats faster and faster.

Neon lights of fear, flash

ON & off, ON & off, ON

in a body

that

cannot

connect

body

memories

to

my

conscious

brain.

My body remembers the past,

my mind does not,

triggering unconscious fears,

pain, and shame.

Neon lights of fear, flash

ON & off, ON & off, ON.

warning me, telling me

of phantom pain;

throbbing, itching,

painful feelings

of what was once there,

but is no more.

Neon lights of fear, flash

ON & off, ON & off, ON.

Phantom memories

surviving, surface.

Gripping pain

holds on, tightly.

The pain remains,

feelings freeze.

The neon lights of fear, flash

ON & off, ON & off, ON

until others mirror the loss,

my brain gently accepts.

Shame

shifts

burps

puffs

snips,

bursting

heavy,

dark

clouds,

thundering

downpours.

The neon lights begin to flicker

ON & off, On & off, on

OFF.

My body relaxes.

My heart purrs.

I am free, once again,

to be at peace.

Precious Linda, c. 2014