Who Determines How to Celebrate Christmas, Anyway?

I used to blatantly, agree with those who said or posted on fb, “Keep Christ in Christmas!” or “Christ is the Reason for the Season!” but recently, as I’ve been meeting new and different people in my various writing groups, I realize that Christmas means different things to different people and it’s very judgmental of me to think I know how someone else should think about Christ or celebrate Christmas!

It was easier and fun celebrating Christmas when the kids were little. We sang Christmas carols and other fun Christmas songs, decorated our tree, sometimes with a train under it, set out other favorite decorations, and counted the days until Christmas, using a wall-hanging with a felt Christmas tree and 24 pockets holding felt ornaments that each stuck to the tree. A nativity set was placed on the top of a three-shelf unit, with the animals eating from the manger and aluminum foil stars shining on the wall behind it. Until Christmas Eve, the shepherds watched their sheep on the piano, the wise men sought the star of the East from a distant, corner end table, and Mary and Joseph and their donkey made their way to the stable, from the vantage point of the top of a stereo system. (Baby Jesus was either hidden away, until the appropriate time, or, in later years, He was wrapped in plastic or cloth and attached to Mary with a rubber band… for the effect that she was actually pregnant.) They all managed to convene at the stable on Christmas Eve, except for the wise men who actually took longer to arrive.

On Christmas Eve, we read the Christmas story from a children’s Bible story book and acted out the Nativity story and went to a Christmas Eve service, sang songs, and opened gifts from each other. Sometimes, we watched The Best Christmas Pageant Ever or another Christmas movie. On Christmas morning, there were stockings filled with treats and a gift or two from Santa. We decorated pre-cut cookies and ate brunch together. Sometimes, we visited our families back home, spending Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas Day with the other. As I look back, it was fun and traditional for us, but in other ways, it was rather “formal,” stilted, and, oftentimes, predictable, almost as if it were pre-arranged and a production of sorts, planned mostly by me, with little room for spontaneity, new ways of doing things, and barely accepting the changing feelings and beliefs or desires of each child, as they grew towards and into adulthood. Now, with our kids grown and some married, and one with a child, we have the opportunity to find and create new ways to celebrate Christmas, as a family, whether we are together in one location or have some family members far away.

I remember one Christmas when I chose not to set up the tree because I didn't see how it had anything to do with Christ or Christianity. Instead, I set out a makeshift manger by using a cardboard, tote box with a doll. However, my three-year-old didn’t understand why we couldn’t have a tree like other people. I set up the tree the next year, with the tote box manger next to it, and continued to do so, for many years after that.

I’m learning that beliefs are very personal and we really cannot dictate or teach them to others. We can only share our beliefs and invite others to consider them. We can choose to accept the beliefs of others, as true for them, at that particular time in their lives and realize that some beliefs will change, over time, with knowledge, experience, deeper faith and understanding. We may spend time with and work together with others who share similar beliefs.  However, if we only hang out with those who think the same way we do, because we think we are “right,” then I think that would be cliquish or acting Pharisaical.

I’m not saying that it’s not important to consider who we hang out with or who we choose as our closest friends. I wonder why some people, and I have been one of them, become so afraid of changing how we think or act that we feel as if we will fall out of a boat and become lost in a sea of churning thoughts and ideas or be shunned by those who disagree with us. Perhaps, it’s true and we’re afraid of changing the way we have thought or believed as truth for such a long time. I realize now, it is very important to carefully consider the truth of what we interpreted to be true, as children, and be willing to clarify or even change the long-held values, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that we no longer believe are true for us today.

I remember, as a kid, reading or hearing Psalm 23 and being afraid of the Good Shepherd who had a rod and staff. I thought those items were used to hit and hurt those who were disobedient. That psalm certainly didn’t comfort me back then. I didn’t realize the rod and staff were used by a shepherd to protect the sheep from predators and to retrieve any sheep who feel off a ledge. I was also fearful and confused about a prayer I said before I went to sleep, as a child: “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” I became confused about which part of the prayer used “keep” and “take” and wondered what would happen to me, if I said the prayer wrong. I also didn’t relish dying in the middle of the night. It was not a calming prayer for me, as a child. Now I know that God doesn’t care if I mess up the words of a prayer. He just wants me to love and trust Him and become the unique and creative person He created me to be.

I’m reminded of another verse in the Bible that says, when we are children, we think like a child, but when we become men or women, our childish ways pass. Well, I’m here to say that I have gray hair… no, silver hair… and, although I’m no longer a child, I am still learning to become more and more of an adult, seeking and learning truths and finding that many of my beliefs were formed when I didn’t fully understand something, as a child, many years ago. I’m also noticing that those thoughts and related feelings, sometimes, pop up in my life, as reactions, and need to be addressed from an adult perspective. I’m willing to set aside my childish ways and thoughts and am making choices to grow and continue to mature in areas of showing compassion, mercy, grace, and forgiveness towards myself and others, as well as, serving others, things that weren’t expressed or taught clearly to me, while growing up.  

One example of being more considerate toward others includes how I act while driving. For me, this includes not only blessing those drivers who zoom past me or cut me off, after the initial shock and adjusting my driving to suddenly accommodate them, but realizing we are all driving somewhere… as a community of drivers, driving in lanes around each other. I can choose to be gracious and kind and allow safe, following distances and room for another car to change lanes instead of tailing someone ahead of me, driving in a reckless manner around other drivers, or basically, acting as if I own the road. It may seem like something small to you, but for me, it’s showing compassion for others who are on the road with me and a way of showing the spirit of Christ to others, without being preachy.

In my heart and spirit, I can celebrate Christmas by remembering, celebrating, and being thankful that God sent His son, Jesus Christ, into the world, not to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. (For many, many decades, I believed that Jesus came to condemn the world. This is another example of living with twisted Scripture or faulty beliefs. The thought of God condemning the world terrified and terrifies me!) I can also be mindful of others, their needs, worries, concerns, doubts, and joys during and throughout this Christmas season and accept their beliefs as uniquely their own.

No matter how, when, or if you celebrate Christmas or the “holidays” this year, I hope you experience peace, joy, and love in your heart and spirit, enjoying times of connection with others, in your home, at a bus stop, mall or restaurant, at a gathering, or while on the road to wherever you are going.

I ask God’s blessings for you this Christmas and holiday season and throughout this New Year!

Wishing Peace and Love to you, and to your loved ones, today and always!

Precious Linda

P.S. If you would like to know why I kept my Christmas tree up all year and have celebrated Christmas and God’s love and the love of my beloved, deceased grandmother, every day this past year, you can read about it and see pictures at: http://twowhitebutterflies.blogspot.com/2013/03/happy-easter.html. 

I also wrote about dealing with grief over my grandmother passing away on this day, December 20^th, over four decades ago, in this post: http://twowhitebutterflies.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-end.html.

Surprised by Sounds of Music!

I’ll never forget the joy and surprise I experienced on my first trip to Europe, while traveling with my daughter, during the summer between her undergrad and veterinary school studies. In addition to the many wonderful museums, sights, historical places, and amazing architecture we saw and the variety of interesting people we met, what surprised me the most was the unexpected music we heard, beginning on the RER ride from the Charles de Gaulle airport to downtown Paris. While riding on the light rail, a man walked into our car, set his hat on the floor, and began playing a wind instrument of some sort. It was painted in muted reds and greens and was, perhaps, a recorder. I was mesmerized by his hauntingly beautiful music. Then, as suddenly as he had appeared, he stopped playing, held out his hat to collect tips and moved on to another car. What a fun and unusual way to begin my experience in Paris.

Later on our trip, as we strolled through Vienna, looking for interesting sights, I was stopped in my tracks by the sound of beautiful music. It appeared to be coming from the entrance area to a great castle or mansion. We crossed the street and approached the large structure to find two, young men playing their violins. They played together as one, playing harmoniously off the sounds of each other, weaving and intertwining their individual sounds of music into one beautiful piece. They were truly practiced musicians who enjoy playing together, whether for their own enjoyment or for the audience of a king. I totally enjoyed standing there, hearing them play together, as their beautiful music reverberated within the walls of the concrete or brick structure around them, as if in an amphitheater. It was difficult to leave this beautiful concert of music, but I was happy to contribute to their open violin cases, waiting for tips from passersby.

On a different, rainy, cloudy day, my daughter and I walked along cobblestone streets and sidewalks of Salzburg on a quest to see some sort of castle or large mansion. After walking for quite a while, I was discouraged that our damp, nondescript map wasn't helping us navigate through brick walls, private property, and other obstacles and felt quite tired. We continued on, as best as we could. At one point, we heard the music of someone practicing their violin. We looked for the source and found it coming from an open window in a nearby alley. The music itself wasn't difficult or well-played but the joy of hearing sounds of music coming from that open window on a rainy day was such an amazing surprise and delight to me that it brightened my soul and put a spring in my step! With a lighter heart and more walking, we eventually made it to our destination. Interestingly, I was blessed with a lasting, beautiful memory that came more from our rather, dismal, “less than perfect” journey than in reaching our destination. That joyous memory of music will be with me forever! I am also grateful to the person who was practicing their violin on that rainy, Saturday morning, with their window open, of course!

The last, special memory that still brings me tears of joy, surprise, and delight, occurred when my daughter and I visited a musical instrument museum in Paris. It was fun to see the various forms of older and archaic instruments, but what stands out most to me is what happened as we began to leave one room to walk into another. A group of about five or six, young, Japanese women had begun gathering around a display of several sheets of music, placed under glass, around the edges of a round table. Suddenly, they burst into harmonious song, as they read and interpreted those notes to the ears of those who were privileged to hear their beautiful voices singing in a spontaneous concert. I stepped back into the room, watching and listening in awe and wonder, as these professional-sounding women, who appeared to have sung together, many times before, produced such beautiful, vocal music, in a foreign country to others who were foreigners, as well! It’s a memory I will always cherish!

I went to Europe expecting to see new sights, learn some history, enjoy some amazing architecture and breathtaking scenery, meet new people, and to share a unique experience with my daughter, all of which happened, but I was blown away with the myriad of sounds of music that touched my heart and soul during our trip abroad. It was an amazing experience to remember and behold!

Precious Linda, 2013

After a time of writing with some friends, I wrote this piece about a special memory of a trip to Europe, in 14 minutes. Interestingly, however, it took hours to slightly edit it to this final form. 

“Present Moment” - Don’t Keep Your Mouth Shut Tightly!!

I wrote this as a “present moment,” first writing with some writing friends today, in 5 minutes, as a warm-up to additional writing. They thought it was funny and since I usually don’t write humorous pieces, I’ll share this with you, slightly edited.

Deep breath! I made it. If it wasn't planned, I wouldn't have come. For some reason, I’m so tired. Maybe I’m finally learning how to relax my jaw and face… and my body needs time…lots of time… to just be at peace and relax.

I’m not at peace as much as I’d like. Sometimes, I feel tense at home with my husband working at home every day or when I add more to my list of things to do than I cross off.  I rarely have time to myself unless I’m up in the middle of the night, but that backfires for me now… pretty much like burning a candle at both ends.

I didn't know that I’m not supposed to keep my teeth together when my mouth is shut. I thought it kept my teeth growing to the right height, especially if I've had some dental work done. Apparently, it causes stress to my jaw and face muscles such that it hurts when a doctor, dentist or physical therapist pokes it. So, if nobody pokes my face, what’s the big deal?

I guess holding stress in my face isn't a healthy idea. Perhaps that’s why I prefer smiling or talking. It’s less stressful.

Precious Linda, 2013

Peeling Paint and Internalized Symptoms

How often have you seen peeling paint and realized that something isn’t right…either the paint has aged or there’s something going on with the surface on which the paint was applied…  perhaps, there was no primer paint used or perhaps there was some rotting wood or seepage of some sort going on. In any case, if repairs are to be made that will last more than a season, one needs to get down to the inner parts of that house or object that needs to be painted.

So also, it is with people. How often do we go around with a plastic or practiced smiley face which hides the truth of the feelings and fears and thoughts that we hold inside? Or, worse, how many people aren’t even aware of the thoughts and feelings that cause them to show forth internalized symptoms that come across, at times, as “peeling paint”… odd behaviors, eruptions of anger, un-understandable fears, terror, etc. triggered by something from their past that has been so deeply hidden that they are not even aware of it?

One type of person like this might be someone with PTSD and repressed memories who, when experiencing a present event or hearing of one, ends up with triggered memories that have been deeply internalized and shows up as symptoms of great fear and terror, extreme sadness or grief, or a myriad of other emotions that surface without reason.

So, as in handling peeling paint and working on the foundation, so also, these people need to become more and more aware of their internalized symptoms that begin to manifest as bodily feelings and emotions they hardly know how to define or identify, but once they do, these old, old feelings, like rotten wood, can be replaced with feelings in the here and now and, as wood or a foundation that is repaired, so also a person with internalized symptoms can begin to see healing of their soul and enjoy the myriad of feelings and emotions and the development of an integrated self – of body, mind, and soul, and enjoy the rainbows of emotional colors and thoughts, and live in and enjoy the present moment, living in relationships with others, without the anchor and hooks to the past that once kept them in a pit of despair and hopelessness.

Precious Linda – 2013

Written with the prompts of “peeling paint” and “internalized symptoms” for 12 minutes at my Practice Writing Group.

My House of Cards Fell Today

This was originally written in July and became rather long so I am only sharing the first part with you. I think you’ll understand the idea of what happened, as just being a part of life and growing up.

My house of cards came tumbling down,

I sat there and just looked around,

As things that once I thought I knew,

What once, I thought was really true,

I saw now as only a bunch of air.

I looked and wondered what had happened

To make my house of cards fall.

Was it faulty nails or glue or tape?

Or, maybe storms or an earthquake?

I sat there, not really knowing why.

And, then, I heard a voice from a quiet guy,

“You know, a house built on rock will stand forever;

While a house built on sand will always quiver.

Foundations are important, you know.

At least, you’re learning this. So,  

What will you do next, my friend?

It’s really your choice and not the end.”

Staring into space, I turned and asked, “Why?

Why didn’t I know this before?”

“Because you weren’t born as a full-fledged adult,

But only as a teachable kid.

What you learned from your folks

Is hard to decipher,

When all you want is

To be like him or like her.

...

Precious Linda, c. 2013

Some Things are Too Funny Not to Share

This past week, I began cleaning out e-mails that have accumulated in my inbox and folders for many years... thousands and thousands of them. Yesterday, I finally cleaned out my inbox and most of the e-mails in my many folders.

I was surprised, when I set up an e-mail account on my new tablet and saw eleven e-mails in my inbox. As the tablet synced with my computer, the e-mails disappeared and a white, empty inbox appeared... until I received the message seen in the photo. It was such an unexpected and pleasant surprise! I've been laughing ever since and wanted to share this joyful surprise with you!

Precious Linda - 2013

Space and Margins - Providing Room for Grace to Grow

How often do we leave extra time for reaching our destination or for completing a task?

How often do I wait until the last minute, in order to provide a “built-in” deadline?

How often do I procrastinate because I think, “Whatever I am planning to do won’t be good enough?”

Am I missing out on something? Am I allowing room for grace to grow in my life and look for opportunities to share grace with others?

Without leaving space and margins of time and energy, when planning my day and executing it, I believe, I lose the ability to exhibit responsible “self-control” over what happens to me and my thoughts, both internally and externally. I give up my ability to thoughtfully choose what I think or what I will do and, instead, become reactive to what happens to me, as if I am a victim of my circumstances or “lack of time.” I also give up responsibility for my emotional well-being. I no longer leave room to deal with, or even to accept, my emotions and what’s happening to me and do not see or accept interruptions as opportunities for personal growth and expressions of faith and grace but, rather, as if someone threw a monkey wrench in the works.

Without space or margins, I am only living “on the fly,” like a hamster on a wheel, mindlessly trying to catch something that is impossible to catch, or trying to do something that is impossible to do, such as taking on too many tasks or trying to achieve too many goals, for which there is not enough time to complete. I have “put off  until tomorrow” something that I had hoped to do today, only to find out that “tomorrow” already has enough to do. It’s as if I am trying to “borrow time” and end up with a “credit card debt” of time that can never be paid back.

Why do I do this? Could it be that being “busy” with anything is a way to distract me from conflicting thoughts or feelings, from the present or the past, that I prefer to keep pacified, at bay, caged up, or buried? I am slowly realizing that until I allow myself to feel the feelings that I am avoiding, they will not go away, but will remain “harbored” in my body, as an emotional cancer, eating away at my mind, my heart, and my soul, causing havoc within my spirit.

Now, as I contemplate and experience my day, I am learning to pay attention to the feelings that surface and to determine whether they relate to the present moment or to something from the past. When I choose to identify the feelings and allow them to flow, like water over a dam, they actually dissipate and pass on by, leaving me relaxed, calm, peaceful, and able to understand the thoughts behind them and make choices without fear or angst. My spirit is free to soar again in a state of peace and love, and I am able to show grace and compassion to myself and to others.

Precious Linda, c. 2013