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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

A Letter to My Dying Aunt

I learned my aunt had been admitted to the "Comfort Care" wing of the hospital to spend her final days on earth. I was too sick to visit her so I wrote the following letter and poem, hoping someone could read it to her and she would be able to receive it. 

Dear Auntie,

I wish I could be there with you or even talk with you on the phone, but I am sick with a cold and cough and my voice is rather raspy, so I’m not sure if you could hear me well.

I want you to know how much I love you and have always appreciated your warm welcome to me and to my family, with a great big smile and a big hug. You have always welcomed us with joy and grace.

Thank you for your love and prayers for our family. (Thank you, too, Uncle!!) We really appreciate them very much. Thank you for the many, wonderful family reunions you and Uncle and your family have hosted. They were always great times, with many special memories to cherish. Thank you also for the delicious meals you have shared with us and with me, too!

I have always been impressed with how your family loves, cares for, and enjoys spending time together! Thank you for your part in raising your kids, along with Uncle, to be such fine, wonderful, caring, and loving people who love the Lord. Your love and theirs have been shared with so many other people, with spouses and children, with students, with the kids at the Y, and with so many others that I don’t even know about. Thank you for sharing God’s love with others, in the many and meaningful ways that you have and still do.

I love you and I’m going to miss you very much. I know the Lord is calling you home, but I will still miss seeing you and spending our special moments together. Thank you for showing me your knitting and telling me more about it at A’s graduation. I am so glad you were able to be there and I’m glad I could come, too!

I don't have much more to say, except that I love you and I always will because love never ends! Isn't that great!!

Yes, I have tears streaming down my face now. I wish I could be there with you and your family.

God bless you, in this time, with His amazing Presence and peace and with those who love and care about you, whether in person or in spirit. May He give you comfort as He gets you ready to see the KING of kings. God bless you in your homegoing journey and I look forward to seeing you when I get there, too! If you are able, will you please say, “Hi!” to Grandma (L) for me and let her know that her amazing love for me has been with me for all of these years, too, and I look forward to seeing her when I get there? Thanks!

I love you, Auntie!! Very, very much!! I love you for always!!
Linda

Hello and love from T and our family, with thanks, and prayers, too!


A Short Poem for You, Auntie!

It won’t be long now, until you see the face of our dear Savior!
How wonderful that will be!
To sit as His feet and listen to His words of love for you!
To see His beautiful face for eternity!!

God bless you on your journey!
I wish that I could come,
Along with you, now and forever,
But my work is not yet done.

Go faithfully, dear sister,
My very dear Aunt E, too.
Until I see you on the other side…
I will think of and miss you.

Go in peace, my dear one.
Our Savior is calling your name.
It won’t be much longer until
Together, with Him, you will reign!!

Praise the Lord for His love and goodness,
For His amazing peace and grace.
Find joy in His many blessings,
Until you see Him face to face!

God Speed and Happy Homegoing, Auntie!

With love and joy, as we celebrate this blessed event in your beautiful life!

Thank you for being such a precious and wonderful YOU and for being a vessel to carry God’s amazing love to others!

I love you, Auntie E, for always and forever!

In Jesus’ name, I pray, praise, and thank God for you and for His amazing gift of love, seen in you and through Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit! May your homegoing be a time of peace and joy! Amen and Amen!!

Linda

Precious Linda, 2013

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Santa and Mrs. Claus

“Ho! Ho! Ho!” and “Hee! Hee! Hee!”
Santa couldn't find his Viking’s jersey
The one for a boy named, Tommy LeRoy
Who thought it was better than a brand new toy.

He knew who to ask, when he was stumped;
His beautiful wife was such a trump!
Mrs. Claus was always jovial like he
And graced his presence with cookies and glee.

Yes, the two were certainly quite a pair
Living on cookies and delightful sweets to share.
They weren't too fond of venison, you know,
‘Cause Rudolph and the others would take that as a blow.

Mrs. Claus met Santa on his very first ride,
Trying out his new sleigh when it crashed into the side
Of a tree and a snow bank, causing Mrs. Claus to fall
Head over heels, looking like a snow ball.

Santa jumped quickly to save this young thing,
Thinking she was beautiful enough to sing:
“Oh, what a delight to my eyes you appear!
Will you marry me and become my Sweetheart, you dear?”

Mrs. Claus was shaken and quite a bit surprised.
Wiping snow from her face, she peered through her eyes.   
With surprise and delight and some mischief and fun,
She nodded to him and they became one.

A team of love to share with others, far and near,
On Christmas Day and every day, throughout the year.
If you travel up north, you will certainly find
Two of the most delightful people, of any kind.

Precious Linda, 2013

I originally wrote this at my Practice Writing Group, earlier this year. I published it on my "Writing for Fun" blog. Since it's Christmastime now, I thought it would be fun to share it here with you, too! Enjoy!

Friday, December 20, 2013

Who Determines How to Celebrate Christmas, Anyway?

I used to blatantly, agree with those who said or posted on fb, “Keep Christ in Christmas!” or “Christ is the Reason for the Season!” but recently, as I’ve been meeting new and different people in my various writing groups, I realize that Christmas means different things to different people and it’s very judgmental of me to think I know how someone else should think about Christ or celebrate Christmas!

It was easier and fun celebrating Christmas when the kids were little. We sang Christmas carols and other fun Christmas songs, decorated our tree, sometimes with a train under it, set out other favorite decorations, and counted the days until Christmas, using a wall-hanging with a felt Christmas tree and 24 pockets holding felt ornaments that each stuck to the tree. A nativity set was placed on the top of a three-shelf unit, with the animals eating from the manger and aluminum foil stars shining on the wall behind it. Until Christmas Eve, the shepherds watched their sheep on the piano, the wise men sought the star of the East from a distant, corner end table, and Mary and Joseph and their donkey made their way to the stable, from the vantage point of the top of a stereo system. (Baby Jesus was either hidden away, until the appropriate time, or, in later years, He was wrapped in plastic or cloth and attached to Mary with a rubber band… for the effect that she was actually pregnant.) They all managed to convene at the stable on Christmas Eve, except for the wise men who actually took longer to arrive.

On Christmas Eve, we read the Christmas story from a children’s Bible story book and acted out the Nativity story and went to a Christmas Eve service, sang songs, and opened gifts from each other. Sometimes, we watched The Best Christmas Pageant Ever or another Christmas movie. On Christmas morning, there were stockings filled with treats and a gift or two from Santa. We decorated pre-cut cookies and ate brunch together. Sometimes, we visited our families back home, spending Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas Day with the other. As I look back, it was fun and traditional for us, but in other ways, it was rather “formal,” stilted, and, oftentimes, predictable, almost as if it were pre-arranged and a production of sorts, planned mostly by me, with little room for spontaneity, new ways of doing things, and barely accepting the changing feelings and beliefs or desires of each child, as they grew towards and into adulthood. Now, with our kids grown and some married, and one with a child, we have the opportunity to find and create new ways to celebrate Christmas, as a family, whether we are together in one location or have some family members far away.

I remember one Christmas when I chose not to set up the tree because I didn't see how it had anything to do with Christ or Christianity. Instead, I set out a makeshift manger by using a cardboard, tote box with a doll. However, my three-year-old didn’t understand why we couldn’t have a tree like other people. I set up the tree the next year, with the tote box manger next to it, and continued to do so, for many years after that.

I’m learning that beliefs are very personal and we really cannot dictate or teach them to others. We can only share our beliefs and invite others to consider them. We can choose to accept the beliefs of others, as true for them, at that particular time in their lives and realize that some beliefs will change, over time, with knowledge, experience, deeper faith and understanding. We may spend time with and work together with others who share similar beliefs.  However, if we only hang out with those who think the same way we do, because we think we are “right,” then I think that would be cliquish or acting Pharisaical.

I’m not saying that it’s not important to consider who we hang out with or who we choose as our closest friends. I wonder why some people, and I have been one of them, become so afraid of changing how we think or act that we feel as if we will fall out of a boat and become lost in a sea of churning thoughts and ideas or be shunned by those who disagree with us. Perhaps, it’s true and we’re afraid of changing the way we have thought or believed as truth for such a long time. I realize now, it is very important to carefully consider the truth of what we interpreted to be true, as children, and be willing to clarify or even change the long-held values, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that we no longer believe are true for us today.

I remember, as a kid, reading or hearing Psalm 23 and being afraid of the Good Shepherd who had a rod and staff. I thought those items were used to hit and hurt those who were disobedient. That psalm certainly didn’t comfort me back then. I didn’t realize the rod and staff were used by a shepherd to protect the sheep from predators and to retrieve any sheep who feel off a ledge. I was also fearful and confused about a prayer I said before I went to sleep, as a child: “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” I became confused about which part of the prayer used “keep” and “take” and wondered what would happen to me, if I said the prayer wrong. I also didn’t relish dying in the middle of the night. It was not a calming prayer for me, as a child. Now I know that God doesn’t care if I mess up the words of a prayer. He just wants me to love and trust Him and become the unique and creative person He created me to be.

I’m reminded of another verse in the Bible that says, when we are children, we think like a child, but when we become men or women, our childish ways pass. Well, I’m here to say that I have gray hair… no, silver hair… and, although I’m no longer a child, I am still learning to become more and more of an adult, seeking and learning truths and finding that many of my beliefs were formed when I didn’t fully understand something, as a child, many years ago. I’m also noticing that those thoughts and related feelings, sometimes, pop up in my life, as reactions, and need to be addressed from an adult perspective. I’m willing to set aside my childish ways and thoughts and am making choices to grow and continue to mature in areas of showing compassion, mercy, grace, and forgiveness towards myself and others, as well as, serving others, things that weren’t expressed or taught clearly to me, while growing up.  

One example of being more considerate toward others includes how I act while driving. For me, this includes not only blessing those drivers who zoom past me or cut me off, after the initial shock and adjusting my driving to suddenly accommodate them, but realizing we are all driving somewhere… as a community of drivers, driving in lanes around each other. I can choose to be gracious and kind and allow safe, following distances and room for another car to change lanes instead of tailing someone ahead of me, driving in a reckless manner around other drivers, or basically, acting as if I own the road. It may seem like something small to you, but for me, it’s showing compassion for others who are on the road with me and a way of showing the spirit of Christ to others, without being preachy.

In my heart and spirit, I can celebrate Christmas by remembering, celebrating, and being thankful that God sent His son, Jesus Christ, into the world, not to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. (For many, many decades, I believed that Jesus came to condemn the world. This is another example of living with twisted Scripture or faulty beliefs. The thought of God condemning the world terrified and terrifies me!) I can also be mindful of others, their needs, worries, concerns, doubts, and joys during and throughout this Christmas season and accept their beliefs as uniquely their own.

No matter how, when, or if you celebrate Christmas or the “holidays” this year, I hope you experience peace, joy, and love in your heart and spirit, enjoying times of connection with others, in your home, at a bus stop, mall or restaurant, at a gathering, or while on the road to wherever you are going.

I ask God’s blessings for you this Christmas and holiday season and throughout this New Year!

Wishing Peace and Love to you, and to your loved ones, today and always!

Precious Linda

P.S. If you would like to know why I kept my Christmas tree up all year and have celebrated Christmas and God’s love and the love of my beloved, deceased grandmother, every day this past year, you can read about it and see pictures at: http://twowhitebutterflies.blogspot.com/2013/03/happy-easter.html

I also wrote about dealing with grief over my grandmother passing away on this day, December 20th, over four decades ago, in this post: http://twowhitebutterflies.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-end.html.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Surprised by Sounds of Music!

I’ll never forget the joy and surprise I experienced on my first trip to Europe, while traveling with my daughter, during the summer between her undergrad and veterinary school studies. In addition to the many wonderful museums, sights, historical places, and amazing architecture we saw and the variety of interesting people we met, what surprised me the most was the unexpected music we heard, beginning on the RER ride from the Charles de Gaulle airport to downtown Paris. While riding on the light rail, a man walked into our car, set his hat on the floor, and began playing a wind instrument of some sort. It was painted in muted reds and greens and was, perhaps, a recorder. I was mesmerized by his hauntingly beautiful music. Then, as suddenly as he had appeared, he stopped playing, held out his hat to collect tips and moved on to another car. What a fun and unusual way to begin my experience in Paris.

Later on our trip, as we strolled through Vienna, looking for interesting sights, I was stopped in my tracks by the sound of beautiful music. It appeared to be coming from the entrance area to a great castle or mansion. We crossed the street and approached the large structure to find two, young men playing their violins. They played together as one, playing harmoniously off the sounds of each other, weaving and intertwining their individual sounds of music into one beautiful piece. They were truly practiced musicians who enjoy playing together, whether for their own enjoyment or for the audience of a king. I totally enjoyed standing there, hearing them play together, as their beautiful music reverberated within the walls of the concrete or brick structure around them, as if in an amphitheater. It was difficult to leave this beautiful concert of music, but I was happy to contribute to their open violin cases, waiting for tips from passersby.

On a different, rainy, cloudy day, my daughter and I walked along cobblestone streets and sidewalks of Salzburg on a quest to see some sort of castle or large mansion. After walking for quite a while, I was discouraged that our damp, nondescript map wasn't helping us navigate through brick walls, private property, and other obstacles and felt quite tired. We continued on, as best as we could. At one point, we heard the music of someone practicing their violin. We looked for the source and found it coming from an open window in a nearby alley. The music itself wasn't difficult or well-played but the joy of hearing sounds of music coming from that open window on a rainy day was such an amazing surprise and delight to me that it brightened my soul and put a spring in my step! With a lighter heart and more walking, we eventually made it to our destination. Interestingly, I was blessed with a lasting, beautiful memory that came more from our rather, dismal, “less than perfect” journey than in reaching our destination. That joyous memory of music will be with me forever! I am also grateful to the person who was practicing their violin on that rainy, Saturday morning, with their window open, of course!

The last, special memory that still brings me tears of joy, surprise, and delight, occurred when my daughter and I visited a musical instrument museum in Paris. It was fun to see the various forms of older and archaic instruments, but what stands out most to me is what happened as we began to leave one room to walk into another. A group of about five or six, young, Japanese women had begun gathering around a display of several sheets of music, placed under glass, around the edges of a round table. Suddenly, they burst into harmonious song, as they read and interpreted those notes to the ears of those who were privileged to hear their beautiful voices singing in a spontaneous concert. I stepped back into the room, watching and listening in awe and wonder, as these professional-sounding women, who appeared to have sung together, many times before, produced such beautiful, vocal music, in a foreign country to others who were foreigners, as well! It’s a memory I will always cherish!

I went to Europe expecting to see new sights, learn some history, enjoy some amazing architecture and breathtaking scenery, meet new people, and to share a unique experience with my daughter, all of which happened, but I was blown away with the myriad of sounds of music that touched my heart and soul during our trip abroad. It was an amazing experience to remember and behold!

Precious Linda, 2013

After a time of writing with some friends, I wrote this piece about a special memory of a trip to Europe, in 14 minutes. Interestingly, however, it took hours to slightly edit it to this final form. 

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

“Present Moment” - Don’t Keep Your Mouth Shut Tightly!!

I wrote this as a “present moment,” first writing with some writing friends today, in 5 minutes, as a warm-up to additional writing. They thought it was funny and since I usually don’t write humorous pieces, I’ll share this with you, slightly edited.

Deep breath! I made it. If it wasn't planned, I wouldn't have come. For some reason, I’m so tired. Maybe I’m finally learning how to relax my jaw and face… and my body needs time…lots of time… to just be at peace and relax.

I’m not at peace as much as I’d like. Sometimes, I feel tense at home with my husband working at home every day or when I add more to my list of things to do than I cross off.  I rarely have time to myself unless I’m up in the middle of the night, but that backfires for me now… pretty much like burning a candle at both ends.

I didn't know that I’m not supposed to keep my teeth together when my mouth is shut. I thought it kept my teeth growing to the right height, especially if I've had some dental work done. Apparently, it causes stress to my jaw and face muscles such that it hurts when a doctor, dentist or physical therapist pokes it. So, if nobody pokes my face, what’s the big deal?

I guess holding stress in my face isn't a healthy idea. Perhaps that’s why I prefer smiling or talking. It’s less stressful.

Precious Linda, 2013